Dear Denise,
I completely understand what you are going through, and I feel your pain with you. I have been married 20 years, and for about 17 years my husband has rejected my sexual advances. About 4 years ago, I gave him an ultimatum of counseling or divorce, he chose counseling. We had other issues, but the sex issue came up. The counselor could not give any answers except that maybe he was depressed. Our physician prescribed Viagra which he took one time and has not touched since. I have tried everything! I finally came across the book SSM, and I am not finished with it. I am hoping that I can find answers in the book and also through reading other people's stories. Like you, I try to busy myself so that I am not so frustrated. It doesn't work because I become even more frustrated. We ML about a month ago. Since reading the book, I have tried being very verbally open with him about sex. He said that the only problem is that he is a morning person and our timing is off. I found that very hard to believe since he knows that I am always willing and ready. Anyway, I took his advice, and this morning, I initiated sex. He took my hand away and told me that he was too tired. While he was getting ready for work, I talked to him about the rejection. I reminded him that it was his idea. He went on and on about how tired he is. He started telling me about troubles at work, his weight gain, and how are kids are always fighting. Talk about excuses! He said that I was not the problem. I told him that maybe I should be and I could get a spot on his list of troubles and become priority. He has always told me that I was not the problem, but for years, I felt so unattractive. People tell me that I am, but I would not believe them. How could I be attractive when my own husband didn't want me? Finally, I realized that he had the problem, and I stopped blaming myself. I would always feel guilty about wanting sex with him. That sounds insane, doesn't it? He would sometimes even slap my hand if I tried to put the moves on him. Talk about degrading! I am wondering if anyone out there has had their hand smacked. I'd love to hear from you. Anyway, I am sorry that you are having the same troubles, but it feels so good to know that others are in the same boat that I am in. I no longer feel so alone. Thanks for posting. Check me out on the newcomer thread under tired and frustrated. Good luck to you!
Pigtails