Poe, I know my DH like I know the back of my hand. He would not listen to it either so it would just be an exercise in futility. Porn is not a problem for us.
I understand that when he doesn't feel good that he might not want to ML but I know he PUSHES himself to workout, ride his Harley, go to work EVERYDAY no matter what, so I think he could push himself to touch me everyonce in a while. I am not asking for 24 hour sex-a-thon but a touch or a hug might make us both feel better.
As far as the anal sex goes - it is not my choice of LM styles - but I believe that it allows him to have a better erection so therefore he likes it every now and then. I go along with it because he makes him happy.
Quote: Has sex always been rushed or just these later years
No, it was never rushed. We had a great sex life in past years - The lovemaking was just about always Russian Tea Room sex - Carnival Cruise line dinner sex, starting out with the little tasty tidbits, advancing to the entre, finishing with dessert and more where that came from if once wasn't enough. Like I have said before, we used to have a fantastic sex life and I would like to have a small portion of that back!
Quote: IF he can play that much golf, he can ML
I am aware of that also. The problem is we have teenagers in the house - their rooms are right next to ours. It is a matter often of a lack of privacy. He did tell me that there are plenty of times he has the desire and feels "up to it" (no pun intended) but that the kids/company is always there.
Quote: Can he do it without the fear of you wanting more, can you make sure you spend some time together on the couch each night.
He is not by nature an affectionate person so to him to sit around and cuddle is not something he is interested in doing. He prefers to sit in his recliner when we are watching TV. I did just buy a new sofa so when it arrives maybe I can talk him into some sofa time.
Quote: When he knows that for sure, and that a touch does not mean he wants to neck or make out. By the way, the daily recommended touching allowance is 10 touches a day.
Oh, please. In my dreams. Now I can go up and touch him, hug him or kiss him and he is sometimes ok with that but not always.. He wills squirm away like a 4 year old.
Quote: Touching is touching, get a vibrating chair pad
Not sure what you're trying to tell me here but I have rubbed his back for years and sometimes a return favor would be the friendly thing to do!
Quote: Get the toys, you will get more out of it, he will be less threaten.
My gut reaction is that he would be major threatened if I turned up with sex toys. We have never used them in the past so I don't know how he would feel about them. I am not at all knowledgeable in this area - the closest I have come to them is the rotating penis that old lady shows on that sex show late at night. Personally it left me cold - don't know if it was the rotating penis or the old lady holding it - didn't do a thing for me.
Quote: Don’t you think he knows that, he just don’t know what to do.
I don't know whether he knows that or not. He has had a pretty good model for years on how I like affection. So I think in some ways he is like an infant - if it is right in front of him great but the instant it is gone he doesn't even realize it is gone nor does he miss it.
Quote: Consider if he had cancer, would you treat him different.
I have always been very concerned about my H health. He, himself will tell people that I am the reason that he has done as well as he has. I am constantly trying to improve his quality of life - but he does not have cancer - he has Crohns. I did talk to him last night about the barriers he puts up - anything that causes him stress he totally shuts out - even if his actions are the ones that originally causes stress for me and in turn stress for him. Does that make any sense? To him it is easier to totally shut out a problem than deal with it because it is easier on his stress/crohns.
Quote: Set up the allowance thing, and you will avoid this current argument.
Allowance - Please! I work - I don't need an allowance. H is sometimes something of a control freak and he gets all in an uproar when I spend money. I have tried to calmly point out that the entire amount I have spent on this new hobby doesn't even come up to the amount he payed for emblems for his Harley, not to mention the cost of the Harley in the first place, the insurance on it, the building it is in, the huge deck he built on the Harley house with the ramp, the leather jacket, yada yada. I couldn't care less what he spends on his Harley, buying a zero turning radius lawnmower, going over to the boat to play black jack - I really don't care - he works hard for his money but he often sees it that way - his money. Like I told him, I have taken up a new hobby to direct my desires and engery and it is nervy of him to gripe about it.
Quote: I did tell him yesterday that I would rather ML with him than make any flower, cake, afghan, etc. but in lou of ML I would do flowers as a substitute!
Does it feel better when you make those kinds of statements.
I would rather not have a reason to make those statements but when my darling hubby gets on a money roll he can be like a thumb on a bruise. I am not made of stone and my desire is all for him. But I am constantly shut out by him - I am not shutting him out. And it is not like he is unaware - I have made him aware. I stayed up ALL night last night decorating a cake and he asks me why. Why is because I feel frustration constantly with myself and him. I try to alleveate my frustration by making something creative. Sometimes I wonder if he has any inkling of my situation.
