Where did my lover go?

[poepad]

I am frustrated and mad...I long for him to reach out and touch me but days and weeks go by with nothing. I have tried to get him to read the SSM book with no success. Guys don’t read, if you must, get the audio. I found the M/V and WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW most enlightening. Compromise with him; have him listen to WWWMTO, and you get THE CARE AND FEEDING OF HUSBANDS. The WWWMTO, we give him the most insight. It also addresses, porn. I had no idea how destructive it was to the relationship.

Is it wrong for me to expect his physical touch? It doesn’t' even have to end in ML but is expecting more than a peck on the lips at night wrong? Is it wrong to expect him to hold me ever?

3 things here, I don’t have that T level to want to anymore, natures cruel trick, yours goes up and ours goes down. Touching means wanted him to ML. When you aren’t feeling good, you just want to hibernate.

He actually rolled up against me this morning and wanted to ML but he wanted anal sex - I did not - it is (sorry for the TMI) my TOM and I didn't want the added pain in that area!

Actually I would draw a line there, anal is not normal, and to me a perversion. Not to mention, all the stuff in your body that it is trying to get rid of in there. So you take someone with a delicate digestion and a defective immune system, which is what Chron’s is, it is an autoimmune disease. And he has no business asking for that. For example some people have gone abroad, and got dysentery and ended up losing they whole guts. So he is just tempting fate doing this.

I have tried to accept that this is just the way it is but what I want is intimacy to return to our marriage. I want him to make love to me - not bang me. It is like he is rushing everytime because he fears his erection is going to fail him but it ends up feeling like Sonic Sex instead of the Russian Tea Room kind of sex.

Has sex always been rushed or just these later years. Other thing that comes to mind is are you a night person and he is day. We had the same problem of night and day, and Sunday was the only day that worked out.

I feel like he wears himself out so he doesn't have to have sex with me and face erectile problem. I know that must just kill him too but when he goes out and plays 27 holes of golf and doesn't make love to me I am ANNOYED.

IF he can play that much golf, he can ML. Again, what time of day do you want it.

If he would just understand that I need his touch I would not be so upset. Would it hurt him to cuddle with me at night or to really kiss me at least once a day?

Can he do it without the fear of you wanting more, can you make sure you spend some time together on the couch each night.

I don't know how much you know about Chron's, Cemar, but one of the problems is running diarrhea and the severe stomach cramps that you associate with having a severe stomach virus. But this NEVER goes away. He can go to the bathroom 10 - 15 times a day. It interferes with how your body absorbs nutrients from your food. He is now taking B12 shots. Once when he was hospitalized the dr. told me he did not know where H's intestines were red, raw, and bleeding because he had diarrhea or if he had diarrhea because his intestines were red, raw, and bleeding. Jeez, which is it!

In Chron’s they are always inflamed, it just a matter of degree. If he is going that often he needs to do a food diary, and see which ones are causing the diarrhea. Even when I am at my worst it is no more than 7-10. I can always trace it to stress or a food that I should avoid. One big problem is, you become so limited on what you can eat, you rebel and eat stuff you should not. I am presently in a major flair and living on peaches and yams.

t seems to me that he doesn't want to touch me anymore because he thinks I will expect it to lead to LM. That would be nice but it would also be nice just to touch.

When he knows that for sure, and that a touch does not mean he wants to neck or make out. By the way, the daily recommended touching allowance is 10 touches a day.

Last Sunday and today my back has been KILLING me. I need a new chair. He told me today to go pick out any Lazyboy recliner that I wanted and buy it. I went looking but did not find what I wanted. Anyway, this evening he insisted I sit in his Lazyboy and we were watching "The Bourne Identity" on DVD. I told him that my body hurt all over and that I needed a good massage. No response on that statement. I could understand if I said I need back surgery - that he cannot do - but jeez - I think he could handle a back rub.

Touching is touching, get a vibrating chair pad

She did ask if we used sex toys - I said no. She suggested we do - not
to sure about that.

Get the toys, you will get more out of it, he will be less threaten.

We had a good conversation. I told him that his total lack of interest hurt
me deeply. I told him that I never saw desire for me on his face anymore
and that I found that more hurtful than I could ever say.

Don’t you think he knows that, he just don’t know what to do.

He also said that for the past 3 weeks (which I already knew) that he had been feeling really bad and that he doesn't like to tell me. He said it serves no purpose. He explained that if everytime he felt bad he said "I feel bad" that he would be saying that everyday and all I would do is worry about him.

I too am in a flair, and did not say anything, did not have to, cause I changed my diet and she knew my current state.

You know this sith reminds me of my brother’s MS, he partial feeling in his legs, so he can only walk a short distance. So when he goes to the mall with his kids he rides 3-wheel scooter. Well people see this 6’4” 240 man riding a scooter, and think he is just lazy. In your case and the people here think he is normal and he is not. Consider if he had cancer, would you treat him different.

The toys are actually a very good idea. It can take some of the performance pressure off your husband and still reserve enough of the "good stuff" to share with hubby. ….. By reducing the amount of time he spends banging around, you reduce the potential for upset with his condition.

I agree, she would O many times with the toys, and them we would sing together. Get them on eBay, much cheaper.

Thanks for the help. NOPkins, not sure if I am ready to hop off and get some toys..- maybe I am more of a prude than I thought –

lets see prude Anal, ????

maybe not...HUM....something to consider. I just wonder if he would think I'd really lost my mind.

No, he would love to be able to satisfy you more, with less effort on his part.

I've wanted to go to counseling for a long time...I've just kept putting it off. Interestingly enough, the C. seems to think that Crowns is a result of stress and unresolved issues as a child.

BS, it is an autoimmune disease, just like diabetes

I did not impart that piece of information to DH though. I think that stress can aggravate the problem but I don't think it causes it!

I hope not

I went to a gumpaste flower class today with an internationally known artist and made a beautiful fire lily. It was a happy day and I need that. He does gripe about the money I spend on it, which I find annoying.

Set up the allowance thing, and you will avoid this current argument.

I did tell him yesterday that I would rather ML with him than make any flower, cake, afghan, etc. but in lou of ML I would do flowers as a substitute!

Does it feel better when you make those kinds of statements.