I have all kinds of ways to bring it back up if possible. I've tried to make this a partnership - we're in this together kind of thing - because I really feel that way. I have tried to tell him that I want to be close to him. When I am not feeling resentful like I am at this moment, I feel closer to him than I have in years and he says he feels the same. I know that illness can make or break a relationship. I don't want this to make us stangers living in the same house.
It seems to me that he doesn't want to touch me anymore because he thinks I will expect it to lead to LM. That would be nice but it would also be nice just to touch.
Last Sunday and today my back has been KILLING me. I need a new chair. He told me today to go pick out any Lazyboy recliner that I wanted and buy it. I went looking but did not find what I wanted. Anyway, this evening he insisted I sit in his Lazyboy and we were watching "The Bourne Identity" on DVD. I told him that my body hurt all over and that I needed a good massage. No response on that statement. I could understand if I said I need back surgery - that he cannot do - but jeez - I think he could handle a back rub.
Mike,
I feel like he is hiding from the situation too. He has refused to let Crohns invade every aspect of his life even though he knows limitations and has always worked around it such as canceling plans at the last moment for any myriad of things if his stomach was not cooperating and a bathroom would not be available. That I can understand. I can't understand all of this all for him and none for me. Yes, he does try to manually please me but he has been my lover for 25 years - I know the difference in a rush job and a mutually satisfying love making.
Right now I feel pretty pissy and I don't like feeling this way. I looked for a counselor today and I want to get some references first. This is too important to trust it to a nitwit who would do more harm than good.
Thanks for the help and a place to sound off. I feel like my life is not in control and I hate that. I hate being angry, sad, and annoyed.
We are about to become grandparents in about 6 weeks and that should be such a blessed event and right now I just want to knock PawPaw for a loop!
