I'm sorry that your sitch hasn't improved. Everyone here can feel your pain.
I still think he's being selfish and hiding from you. If he has the strength to work and golf (27 holes, no less), he has the strength to find a way to ML effectively. His desire for quickie or anal sex only shows his selfishness. (If anal was his preference or he needs the "tightness" for his ED, why not take care of your needs and finish up that way?)
I hope your C is good enough to recommend that you call him on his behavior. He's adapting well enough with the Crohn's in other areas of his life. Why should he not be held accountable to do the same re: sex?
