Neicie144, You write such a lovely lament. I can hear your sadness.
I get the feeling that he's dealing with a lot of fear and wants to rush through it for fear of losing his wood. I think you said as much. It made me think: is there anything you can do to bring him back up should he soften? If so, you can make this a partnership where he'll slow down and do his best to give you what you want and need if you'll understand if he needs to get up in the middle and relieve himself and get him hard again if he softens.
Maybe if you say something like, "I love you and want like anything to be close to you. Even with our problems I still couldn't stand to be far from you for long. I want to share my love with you and I'm more than willing to be as patient and understanding and to work as hard as I need to to do it."
