Lou, I have gone up to him and wrapped my arms around him and yes he will give me a little hug back or a peck on the lips. It would be nice to cuddle with him on the couch while we watch TV but he sits in his recliner.
I guess I am almost to the absolute starvation point. Maybe I am just way too needy. I know that 2 of my sisters would not have a big problem with this but I have a huge problem with it.
I am going to contact a counselor today. I know that where sex is concerned I am touchy. Saturday I was divorced 25 years from my EX and we divorced over his sexual problems. I have posted in the past that he felt like sex would make me dirty like his mother who ran off and left all of them for another man. He really had problems and refused to seek help for it and said I was a nypho.
I am not a nypho and when I began my relationship with the man I am married to now (almost 22 years)he thought my sex drive was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
We have discussed the ED. We did try Cialias once. It works well - like to the tune of 4 times. We may have went overboard because his stomach was killing him later and we haven't tried it since much to my dismay. I did read an article recently about Crohns stating that activities like horseback riding causes the Crohns to flair. Horseback riding and sex can be very similar so I have suggested going slower, softer, etc. I have suggested while we were having sex to slow down, remember I like romance, etc etc. and it falls on deaf ears.
Cemar, unless he magically became LD I don't think he uses it as an excuse. I have been his lover for almost 25 years (September 29 to be exact) so I know that his sex drive in the past has matched mine and surpassed it.
Our problems with this started about 5-6 years ago. I had gained weight and I really thought it was he did not find me as attractive. Well I've lost the weight and it is worse.
Crohns is known for KILLING the sex life and it is really hurting ours. My H has never been a really affectionate person and I got my "fix" for being held, kissed, loved on, during sex. When you are having sex 4-5 times a week for years and it is because BOTH people want it that way it is pretty wonderful.
When he was younger it did not effect him as much either. When we had our second child he was on a job that was building a gas phase unit at a chemical plant. He was working (electrician at the time)16 hours a day, 7 days a week for months at a time. We had a newborn that he rarely saw but we still had sex on a very regular basis and the man looked like a walking zombie. The upside was we had enough money to purchase our home and put one third down on it!
I know that this must be a KILLER for him too because he knows I am not happy with the situation.
If he would just understand that I need his touch I would not be so upset. Would it hurt him to cuddle with me at night or to really kiss me at least once a day?
I have stopped looking at the boards at times because I would get so upset. I feel like I am not handling this well. He says I need to just deal with it. I think his way of dealing with it it to act like it is not there.
I don't know how much you know about Crohns, Cemar,but one of the problems is running diarrhea and the severe stomach cramps that you associate with having a severe stomach virus. But this NEVER goes away. He can go to the bathroom 10 - 15 times a day. It interfers with how your body absorbs nutrients from your food. He is now taking B12 shots. Once when he was hospitalized the dr. told me he did not know where H's intestines were red, raw, and bleeding because he had diarrhea or if he had diarrha because his intestines were red, raw, and bleeding. Jeez,which is it!
He has gained a little weight and right now no one looking at him would know he has a cronic health problem. But if you look at his drivers license from last year it is shocking. I looked at them this week and remembered how bad he was last year. He looked like a person undergoing chemo.
I try to remember all of this and not be a selfish b!tch but I am not doing so well at this time.
Thanks everyone for your help. I really need to sometimes just to vent. I am going to call a couselor today. I need some help and I am hoping to get him to go with me.
