Nik, I was thinking about something like............
H, I know that I have always not been totally honest with you and for that I apologize. I understand that it sometimes makes you 2nd guess my actions and/or words. I can not blame you for feeling that way.
H, I spent alot of time wanting to be loved and accepted by my grandfather that raised me. He sometimes made me feel that being "loved" by him also meant not making any mistakes. His love came with conditions. One of those conditions was perfection. When I did make a mistake he came down so hard on me that I just thought it better to lie. I know crazy but true. Therefore I lied to stay in his good graces.
Somehow I fell into the same pattern with you. I felt that I had to be perfect to keep your love and be accepted by you. H, I want to be vulnerable to you. I want to be honest with you. Can we make a deal that me being totally honest and vulnerable with you to improve communication that I can still feel safe.
