It sounds like your H does want to communicate with you... whether the desire is to work on things or just to be friends, I don't know. Why not go with the hopeful one and see where this leads?
Nitaf- Wow what great developments in your sitch. Sexy outfits, attention from XH and ML. What more can a girl ask for (right now. ) Sounds like you are handling your new R very well and that the boundaries are working. It also works to our advantage when we play a little hard to get.
You are in my thoughts always,
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
PIB, the boundaries help me to stay focused, if nothing else. All though I have some weepy days, for the most part I am stronger now. I sometimes worry that boundaries have made things move slower.
I was so dead set on not having him hanging around anytime that he wanted, that I stopped him from coming and going as he pleased. I sometimes wish he were still in and out all of hte time. I miss him being there washing clothes and eating dinner. I guess it is a double edged sword. But our communication is 100% better and the respect is increasing big time.
I found that was very important in my relationship.
Sounds like some positive changes are happening.
I'm sorry you feel like things are a double edge sword, but hopefully with time, you will work through the weepy feelings and just feel bunches stronger.
Quote: nik, how would you feel if H jsut came out and expressed why he lied? What is the best way to talk to h about this? Please answer on my thread. How would you have liked to hear about H's lies from him?
It would be great if H came out and told me he lied and why. I would see that as hope that he was becoming a more honest person. I would take hearing the truth anyway I can, via email or in person.
Practice makes perfect. If you have any specific examples let me know so I can be more specific.
No matter what the truth is, lying is always worse in my book.
Nik, I was thinking about something like............
H, I know that I have always not been totally honest with you and for that I apologize. I understand that it sometimes makes you 2nd guess my actions and/or words. I can not blame you for feeling that way.
H, I spent alot of time wanting to be loved and accepted by my grandfather that raised me. He sometimes made me feel that being "loved" by him also meant not making any mistakes. His love came with conditions. One of those conditions was perfection. When I did make a mistake he came down so hard on me that I just thought it better to lie. I know crazy but true. Therefore I lied to stay in his good graces.
Somehow I fell into the same pattern with you. I felt that I had to be perfect to keep your love and be accepted by you. H, I want to be vulnerable to you. I want to be honest with you. Can we make a deal that me being totally honest and vulnerable with you to improve communication that I can still feel safe.
Granted you miss his presence at any given time, and it is hard thinking that the boundaries (that have improved respect and communication) have slowed the "building" process(for lack of better words) ... but isn't it better knowing you are building the possibility of a BETTER R & M with improved respect and communication just by the extra time and effort you are putting in? Just My Opinion
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Betsey 