Quote: "I feel commited to you based upon our history, children and shared stuff, but I don't feel passion towards you. I would really love to feel a sense of passion towards you and it will require you to do x,y,z...what do you need from me to do that?"
Can you please rephrase this so I can say this to my LDH? I am a HDW at my wits end. And when I say (I'll actually write it) this to him, is it ever appropriate to say I will leave after a certain amount of time that this isn't happening? Say, in a month if this isn't happening, I'm planning to leave? Or do I just put it out there and then just leave one day?
btw- I'm new here. We've been together 12 years, married 6. He's had affairs (most EA, but not all). I found out about them over 2 years ago. The LD problem started in the first year of our relationship, but I thought everything else was so good that I felt selfish leaving. After I found out about the affairs I realized that everything else was not so good. Since then we've flown to Colorado and had intensives with Ruth Morehouse and have been in therapy with a PM therapist for almost a year.
I've had more days lately where I envision us separated. When he's out of town I sometimes feel relieved, and other times I miss him. But I am starting to feel OK about getting separated. I'd rather be happy with him.
Anyway - any rephrasing would be appreciated. I've never actually requested specific things (other than kiss me back when I kiss you, don't tense up when I hug you), and that has gotten better, but is such a small step after so long. We do have sex, and once he gets into it, he is exceptionally good at "pleasing" - but doesn't have a clue of anything that "he" enjoys. Oh - now I'm rambling, this would be better in a whole new thread. Can you rephrase for HDW?
