Thanks for spending so much time answering my post Dave. On the subject of reflected sense of self and fusion. If my wife gave me the love and attention that I give her (ie. was an emotional reflection of myself) then OK I would be seriously fused but at least I would be happily loved up and not posting on the SSM forum at 5am. Last night when I was declaring my love for her and that I would like to feel relaxed and emotionally connected with her in bed she just told me to stop talking about sex all the time and that everything I say on the subject just makes her desire me less. This morning she said she did not sleep well and I said that I did not either. She asked me why so I said "The same as you probably. I was churning over relationship stuff in my mind". She said she doesn't think about that at all - she was just cold. So perhaps I should change tack and rather than declare my love for her I should focus on what I want such as 2x per week with enthusiasm and variety and if she is unwilling to go there, imply that I will eventually stop loving her and find someone else. I'll try it and see what happens. At least I'm not scared to say things that might upset her anymore. SD
