This is going to be my last post for an extended period. I also intend to avoid looking at the BB entirely, even any replies to this post.
While this is an extraordinary community and the BB (i.e., all of you) has kept my head above water in so many dark times, after a year of of this, it has now become a distraction and it's hard for me to read other stories without feeling compelled to help lift others as others have lifted me. At the same time, I realize that the BB is self-replenishing, in that there will always be Newcomers who become vets who help other Newcomers along. So, the time has come for me to take leave and get my own house in much better order.
One thing that is so true is that while so many of us have similar situations and the general DB principles can work, each sitch is truly unique--and IMHO the most important DBing principle is get hold of yourself first, second, and third. It is impossible to reach out to our loved ones in any meaningful way unless we are centered and grounded ourselves. I think I've come a long in that direction.
At the same time, for me, I think the most important solution-based thing I can do now is just be myself and true to my core. So many times I overthink DB principles, especially when adding "mystery." For me, too often, it becomes a game that adds further distance between me and W. I've come to realize that any meaningful R with my W requires absolute and open honesty when we communicate with one another. This is not to say that we don't exrecise restraint or be brutally honest to the point of hurt or that we should not learn how to present our feelings in a more comforting manner, but I no longer want to hide anything as part os some grand design. It just doesn't work for me.
So, if W asks who I was with a particular evening, rather than say just some friends you don't know, I might say two girls I met through my support group. We had a nice dinner and had a chance to talk about relationships. And I'll deal with all the subsequent questions honestly. If I go to a Yankee game or a hockey game, I'll tell her that rather than have her think I was out all night with who knows whom. Now, I'm not going to volunteer anything unless she asks, but when she does, that's an expression of interest and I will be truthful.
Before bidding adieu, however, I do want to say that I consider the folks here my friends and don't want to leave my friends. So if you want to stay in touch, please feel free to e-mail me at:
