Quote: When I get home, she's in rare form saying that she got her Aunt to come over, that I win, she'll call of the lawyer and stop eveything tomorrow and that we'll live as H & W. She jumps on me and and wraps her legs around me saying we should go together tonight and that she'll sleep in the bed of her loving H go to C and do whatver it takes. She says this will be a lot for her and may have to kill herself--no wait, W says she won't really do that because I'll just write that down in my journal and use it against her.
My thoughts to replying to this earlier post is ... Your W all along seems to have quite a flare for dramatic sarcasms.
However, in this morning's post, it was a bit harder to pick it out of the text written, other than her usual connection of taking your sincere request at wanting an R to mean wanting sex. However, I can't determine from what is written if her saying she is calling off the lawyers is sarcastic or sincere? ... and what is her intend behind asking what's next? Are you saying she is waving the white flag of surrender?
If that is the case, from personal experience, let me just say it didn't work for CAW. Two years ago, she said she could no longer fight it, accepted my changes and decided to try to work on M and she sincerely meant it. For the next 5 months I believe she gave it a genuine effort, but you know where that has led us now.
It doesn't sound like W has acknowledge who you really are now, but is still painting you with her preceptions. How is that going to make living under one roof any more bearable for either of you now that she is waving the white flag. If anything her resentment against is going to continue to build as she feels defeated. I just don't see how this will work to bring the dynamics in the R back to a loving one ... even with OM out of the picture.
I think your W is complete denial of the fact that no matter what direction is taken she still is going to have to interact with you for at least the rest of your children's childhood and only when she comes to realize the only way to develop that R is on a foundation of mutual respect, will she ever be able to move beyond this menagerie of limboland.
What will it take to regain her respect for you? It pretty evident, that you haven't been able to distance yourself enought to remove yourself from her equation to what is wrong in her life and no amount of 180's or acting "as-if" has worked to remove you from the equation either. The only option I see is creating the physical seperation. I like the idea of the split S, but I think the largest problem you face right now is that she isn't going to deem any solution coming from you as an acceptable option. Is there some one else that has solid credibility with her that may be able to present your solution to her?
More than anything, Merrick, I'm hoping that soon you will find a way to break this cycle she has trapped you in. You and your children deserve so much better than this.
