Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer. We could have a great theological and scientific discussion, although I suspect you might think I'm a kook.
This just scratches the surface, but one of the most powerful phrases in a Catholic mass is, "Let us proclaim the mystery of Faith." Basically, "faith" doesn't hold every answer we desire, but it is the path to eternal life. Moreover, if you are a true believer, you really can't pick and choose which beliefs you will accept and which ones you will not. Indeed, much if not all of life on earth is a test for eternal life and to live by the Truth which is manifest through Jesus's life and death.
This does not mean that we have to rigidly adhere to every technicality associated with God's law to show we are pious people. Indeed, Jesus disparaged religious leaders who were so focussed on legal technicalities at the expense of helping people forgive and love one another. At the same time, Jesus also spoke very clearly that marriage was made by God and man could not destroy it. Of course, I'm sure he would be greatly troubled by today's secular society's disposable treatment of the institution and would seek to heal the paths of those left behind.
But that is not for me to speculate. And if it be His will to see that I can have another R, then His will be done. But the process of surrendering your life to God means accepting the possibility that I will never have another physically intimate relationship again. Right now, while I'm still hoping to save my M, I'm also prepared for the other alternative.
I wish I could fully describe the feeling I had at my welcoming rites this Sunday as the sign of the Cross was spread across my body and heart. It was immersion of the Spirit and a feeling of peace and calm that I rarely experienced before in my life. It is that spirit that will enable me to do my best DBing and move on in my life, with or without my wife.
On the lighter or "ugh" side. I was talking with my kids about the rites and they started asking quesitons about sin and confession. I talked about sin being lying, cheating, killing, etc. S10 says "like cheating on your wife?" Rather than asking if he knew what that meant, I reflexively responded that "I would never do that"--to which D9 blurts out, "Yeah, but Mommy would!"
