So much for great jobs. In the nobody's perect department, I had a minor backslide yesterday.
One of the things I really need to correct is impulsive thinking in front of the kids. Last weekend at the shore when the kids asked me to stay, I said I might be able to visit last night after my game in Philly. I immediately realized this was probably not a good idea and backtracked--but you can't plant seeds in a child's and think they'll go away. So the kids kept asking me all week if I was coming and I told S10 I didn't think it was possible and that W may not keen on the idea (bad, bad, bad move--even though he is significantly aware of what is going on). In any event, unbeknownst to me, the kids kept asking W if I could come all week--putting her in the position of the bad guy if she said no.
After a great game in Philly (saw a triple play!) and visit with a good DC friend, I was heded back to NY when S10 calls on the cell phone and askes if I can come. This pulled on my heartstrings and rather than just saying, "No," I said maybe and needed to check with W. W was reasonably calm and expressed her view of the spot she was put in, and as we tried to figure out what to do (she was more than willing to have me come and not "deny the kids their father," and she would go some palce else when I arrived. I was the one who turned the convo negative by asking whether her running off when I arrived was really good for the kids--although I said I'd prefer not being around her and W questioning my negativity when she was being flexible (which she was). I noted that this is where our M has left us -- negotiating what is best for the kids from two different perspectives, and I said that no matter what, I would do what's best to protect my kids--with or without her. She took this as a threat against her motherood and we digressed from there as she questioned where all my anger came from. I told her that I was not angry, but upset that about the sitch with our kids and I had a right to be upset about the circumstances that affected not only us, but them. As the hour was getting late with bad traffic -- I decided to bag the visit.
This morning, when I called the kids, I asked to speak to W and thanked her for being so cooperative in very difficult circumstances last night--and we left it at that.
