Quote: Today I feel like a pathetic salmon swimming upstream against the cultural torrent of infidelity and self-gratification.
That is exactly what you should feel like because that is what you are...and that is what makes you special.
Just remember that the ones swimming downstream rarely make it to the "Animal Planet" commercial where you see the bear effortlessly grab the one salmon fruitlessly trying to jump back over a small waterfall. The ones swimming downstream all have happy little fish smiles because they are saved from the bear, plus, they are on their way to meet up with OM/W (or OF - other fish) . But...the good news is, the bear represents our higher power snatching the lone salmon out of that sea of moral bankruptcy and into salvation (represented by the bears merciless gnashing of our little fish body between his powerful jaws)...and then digesting us to complete the circle of life.
But...since you are an attorney (aka: SHARK), you kick the bears a$$ and convince a large majority of the doomed salmon to follow you back upstream for some genuine mating and cross-breeding. That would make the offspring....shalmon! ...and they grow up to be successful, benevolent lawyers practicing under the "Shalmon and Sterling" banner somewhere in the hudson, just east of the 42nd street pier.
. But...the good news is, the bear represents our higher power snatching the lone salmon out of that sea of moral bankruptcy and into salvation (represented by the bears merciless gnashing of our little fish body between his powerful jaws)...and then digesting us to complete the circle of life. 
