What an entertaining idea on employing some private SWAT team to guard you and your family jewels from your W! I have to admit, it brought forth a belly buster laugh from me.
Perhaps your upcoming time apart through relaxation will also force her to calm down some? I wish I had a crystal ball, but since I don't, I think you're going to do just fine. Let that faith work for you, friend.
Since you brought up my absence from the BB, I decided to get busy and do a bit of posting. I'm still not ready (and maybe I won't ever be) to start a new thread. I don't have anything to say about my sitch... just hanging out and trying to keep the peace.
Hope you're dried out from the game now!!! Sounds like you and I had similar evenings. I was given free tickets to the premiere of The Three Musketeers, but when we got there (with D10's friend in tow), found out there was a problem and they rescheduled for today. Needless to say, D7 was pissed and had a fit. So I lugged the girls around to 2 more theaters, looking for something that was in our time frame and would be kid worthy--to no avail. With each failure, D7's distress became more pronounced. That's how we ended up at the Sonic--I bought her out of her mood with a chocolate milkshake.
Then D10 and her friend sat on my tailgate and presumably started flirting with the teenage boys who worked there. I couldn't figure out why in the heck boys were coming up to my window to ask me if I needed more ketchup (for milkshakes), napkins or straws?
I figured it out when I heard their giggles and D10 asked loudly, "MOM? Are you a virgin?" I was definitely caught off guard but found my voice, "Do you know what that word means?" Shouting back, "Yes! It means you haven't had sex!" My reply? "Since I have 2 children, I think you can figure this out!"
There was silence for a second, followed by some guffaws and snickers before she said, "When did that happen for you?" Fortunately for me, D7 dropped her milkshake on the floor so I was able to skirt that one completely. This is when you left me the voicemail!
Your time is coming, darlin'!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
With the om on the wing waiting is the hardest thing to endure. I have a similar experience as yours. I can observe also my W's behaviour and find out whether she is still with the om or not.
Having strong faith will help tremendously. I also pray to God everyday to bless me with peace and guide me on this difficult journey.
Sorry things seem to have boiled down to As, SAs, and levels of nastiness. I wonder why your W started looking for jobs; I don't recall your talking about it before, and I thought you were goig to have to ask her to get one...
I don't have much to say, but I'm just stopping by to say hello. I'm looking forward to meeting you next week, too. I e-mailed you and H2H a list of possibilities. Or, in the case of my list, possibilités.
Raindeer, the OM is primarily an emotional crutch for W. While a physical event(s) may have occurred (and I believe it did at a minimum short of ML), OM is truly an emotional partner with little likelihood of any future R.
OM is a politician in the Bill Clinton high empathy/high libido mode who preys on the vulnerable. I want to kick his a$$ given what he is doing to my family--but realize that given where our M was headed, he was just the first opportunity for W to seek comfort elsewhere.
Jen, the legal sitch is more of a necessity for me given that W was threatening to file if I did not move out. Retaining a L allows me to buy more time and negotiate separation issues with W outside our own contentious setting.
While the potential costs are high, so are the costs of D. Just yeserday I figured that the tax implications alone could cost me at least $15,000 a year (lost deductions/filing status). I do reasonably well financially, but am by no means rich or even upper middle. I'm one of those guys who is considered rich in 99% of the country--but not in NY and Congress, where I'm squarely in the bubble of those whose deductions are phased out and get hit with substantially higher marginal tax rates. Also, if a three-bedroom apartment at $2,500 in the burbs (much more in NYC) or 1800 Sq ft home at $600,000 with real estate taxes near $10,000 sounds cheap to you, it's not. Heck, given all the other financial issues I face and the likely splitting of assets in mediation, spending $50,000 on an attorney (which far, far, exceeds my disposable cash and would have to be borrowed) for a more aggressive (if needed) approach is not a bad investment for me.
The attorney I'm retaining is not a factory-made D attorney machine. She is well aware of my desire to reconcile and her readiness/flexibility to approach my case with this goal in mind will color all of our issues.
Gotta work now. S10's baseball team made it to the championship game on Saturday and will now cut into my weekend at the shore (more $$$ down the tubes). But I'm having fun!
DO you have any physical evidence about your W's A with the om? If yes, the om will stop if you show him the evidence. Such politician is coward. They only think more about their reputation than really committed to a R, especially an A. Of course you should not make it public if you want to protect your W's reputation. It is just a treat for the om to back off. Just a suggestion.
Remove the om does not mean it will resolve your R problem. It only makes it easier without a third party in the middle. To D is very bad for everybody financially. That's why DBing can save you a lot. It also good for your family in the long run. Hope your W can see that and wake up.
First the good news. S10's team won their summer baseball championship and I enjoyed the shore with the kids--despite the less than favorable weather.
The only downer is the kids constantly asking about when we'll do things as a whole family and their discussion of plans for the beach next year in anticipation of me and W being together. On top of that, the single parenthood trap where I can't take a kid or two someplace or on just errand while leaving the other kid behind with with W is a real drag. The kids certainly don't like being schlepped around everywhere and I don't dare leave any alone given my legal sitch. I guess I'll just have to learn to plan better.
I'm also finding it harder to explain things to them without sounding blameful of W. Suffice it to say that while we try to stay on the same track with the kids, many of us may vary our routines in order to avoid conflicts or unneeded interactions with our spouses. Explaining thesechanges without saying "it's because Mommy this or that" stinks! In addition, if I have to find any more creative answers just one more time to the question, "Isn't family more important than work," as to why W is at the beach during the week and I am not, I will... !!!
As for OM, I've worked around and for politicians for more than 20 years. The Jim McGreevey incident this week in NJ is a perfect anaology for OM in that many polticians are so skilled in compartmentalizing those parts of their life they want out of the public eye and their political lives. To some extent, all politicians have huge egos--which they need to have to take the abuse and criticism heaped upon them. But the career pol is especially skilled at compartmentalization and elected office is what OM lives for. He is aware of what I know and does not care. The few times I confronted him he went straight to W--so I really don't have many options other than to let him destroy himself. For most pols like McGreevey, Bill Clinton, OM--and I'll bet countless others in your own communities, things eventually catch up with them. You can only pray they leave as little damage as possible to others in their wake.
W continues to live in her dream world in preparing to file against me--and it just saddens me to know where this will lead because for the first time ever, W will begin to truly confront the reality of where she is taking us--and it's not in her WAW script.
Congratulations on the Championship victory! Nothing like that to build up a kid's self esteem...I'm sure you are very proud.
As far as any confrontation with or "outing" of the OM, politician or not, this will accomplish nothing. He is only the symptom and a bystander brought into this by some seemingly random, yet not so random, series of events/coincidences. The other person in our spouses EA's and PA's are selected by our spouses, even if our spouses did not do the persuing, so, it's best not to waste our energy seeking revenge for them.
Let's face it, if your W is anything like my W, they control all access to their emotional and physical beings...so, OM was GRANTED access and for that, he should not suffer. This is your W's issue...and for every OM you could possibly shame in to staying away from your W, SHE will find a replacement until SHE realizes that SHE has had enough (if and when that day comes).
Things do eventually catch up to people like this but it is not our job to accelerate karma...let it be.
Merrick, congrats on your S's team's victory! That must have been fun to experience. A real high among some real lows.
I had to post this here, because it was too funny not to. I burst out guffawing at my desk, and as it is a publishing house and I am surrounded by other editors, the horse laughing did not go unnoticed.
from my thread, posted earlier by Merrick:
Quote: Jen- I'll reserve all comments until tomorrow night, but when my old GOP friends in DC/Virginia learn that I am in the throes of potential divorce, I've hired a feminist attorney to defend me, was having a get-together with one girl who is married to half a gay-couple and another who considered a surrogate gay sperm donor, and that people in NYC are introduced through stuffed chickens in ladiies' handbags--they will surely rethink about coming here for the convention in two weeks--or at least about drinking the water!!! My life has definitely changed--and some for the better! Lookin' forward to meeting you.
Congratulations on your S's team victory. It must be a great feeling for your S and you.
What TKKC1 said is also right. I was thinking to have some revenge to the om. But it was my W who actually allow him to have an A. Until she realizes (if ever) that what she did won't make her happier, she will continue what she is doing. I can't control her or her mind.
So in the mean time, I will continue live my life with or without my W. I wish your W can also wake up before it is too late. But nobody else can help her other than herself. Enjoy your day.
Sorry I missed your call tonight... I was in the gym, and you know I have to keep working on my aging bod!
How were the burgers? Next time you're here, I promise to make you those buffalo burgers. In the meantime, you're just going to have to enjoy drinking wine with your BB ladies and eating burgers with TKKC....
I hope things are going well with you today--we'll chat via e-mail in the next day or so. At least before I take off the rest of the week.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
!!!