Raindeer, the OM is primarily an emotional crutch for W. While a physical event(s) may have occurred (and I believe it did at a minimum short of ML), OM is truly an emotional partner with little likelihood of any future R.
OM is a politician in the Bill Clinton high empathy/high libido mode who preys on the vulnerable. I want to kick his a$$ given what he is doing to my family--but realize that given where our M was headed, he was just the first opportunity for W to seek comfort elsewhere.
Jen, the legal sitch is more of a necessity for me given that W was threatening to file if I did not move out. Retaining a L allows me to buy more time and negotiate separation issues with W outside our own contentious setting.
While the potential costs are high, so are the costs of D. Just yeserday I figured that the tax implications alone could cost me at least $15,000 a year (lost deductions/filing status). I do reasonably well financially, but am by no means rich or even upper middle. I'm one of those guys who is considered rich in 99% of the country--but not in NY and Congress, where I'm squarely in the bubble of those whose deductions are phased out and get hit with substantially higher marginal tax rates. Also, if a three-bedroom apartment at $2,500 in the burbs (much more in NYC) or 1800 Sq ft home at $600,000 with real estate taxes near $10,000 sounds cheap to you, it's not. Heck, given all the other financial issues I face and the likely splitting of assets in mediation, spending $50,000 on an attorney (which far, far, exceeds my disposable cash and would have to be borrowed) for a more aggressive (if needed) approach is not a bad investment for me.
The attorney I'm retaining is not a factory-made D attorney machine. She is well aware of my desire to reconcile and her readiness/flexibility to approach my case with this goal in mind will color all of our issues.
Gotta work now. S10's baseball team made it to the championship game on Saturday and will now cut into my weekend at the shore (more $$$ down the tubes). But I'm having fun!
