There are no quick solutions. As long as any S agreement leaves room for reconciliation, I'm finally understanding S may be a critical part of successful DBing. Show W the changes you've made, and if she still doesn't appreciate them, give her a chance to miss them.
I think I'd be careful to not have W feel like she has to make concessions. Fairness and reality (things our W's simply do not understand) should not be approached as concessions. That may be the legal term, but emotionally, a S agreement should help get our Ws in touch with reality, not feel resentful they had to "give something up".
Letting go of the rope is a great analogy. God will plant solid ground under your feet to stand on, and it is usually only inches underneath where we are desperately struggling to hang on to the end of our ropes.
Let go of the rope, drop to the ground below and start building a platform to climb back up and get a firm grip on the rope again. Only in your case, looks like W will start pulling the rope up after you let go.
