Merrick, just jumping in here to greet you! I see that you are still keeping up your good fight, I admire you for keeping your emotional sanity.
Well, you know in my sitch, after moving out, 'reconciliating' after 6 months, and all of a sudden a OM who already moved in, things are looking very bleak...
Off to the beach here in Barcelona, maybe I find some PMA.
I've been following your sitch and know that Soup says as much as I can. All I can tell you is that I find whatever peace and patience I have through Christ. Nothing else worked until I accpeted Him into my life. I can't explain it, but that's the God honest truth (no pun intended). The Holy Spirit working as intended.
W and the kids came back yesterday and the first thing W said to me is if I watered the hanging plants on our front steps. I never watered these in my life, so I said, "I didn't know I had to."
W: Well you didn't and they died. Me (in my head): Oh well.
W then immediately pursues in the kitchen and asks if I'm concenred about how she is feeling because she is not well. She asks if I'm just waiting for her to crash so I can declare victory and take the kids. I said I feel badly about the way she feels, but I have no intention of talking about our sitch while the kids are around.
W pursues: Why do you feel badly? Why are you upset about how I feel? Do you have any ideaq what it is like to feel as I do.
I just backed off and said I will not talk to her about us while the kids are around. As she pursued further and I moved away she followed with her usual verbal assualt that I won't listen to her (the rope she uses to lead me back in to get whacked again). She finally backed off and was reasonable for the rest of the day.
At night, her first back, she went out until about 2:30 a.m.
This morning, she got up late and wanted to go to noon mass. I decided that I really didn't want to be around her, so I went at 10:30 a.m. with D6. W complained that she thought it would be nice if we all went as a family.
Me (inside my Head): WTF??? I just said that I didn't want to wait around and left. Indeed, I ended up sitting with W's parents at Church!
I'll keep my fingers crossed for a halfway normal day.
Hello Merrick, as always you have so much patience. I'm glad that you have the Lord on your side. So, I need to ask w/you converting to catholicism, how will a D affect your journey? I'm wondering in regards to receiving Eucharist? I guess I'm asking coz I really didn't follow that part of it until recently. I'm beginning to become concerned about taking the host after a D-like sinning-since it is supposed to be done only after annulment? My in-laws just recently got annulled after 20+ yrs and now my 2nd MIL is thrilled coz of it. Seems more at peace w/religion now. I guess I didn't want to go through an annullment right after the D, or just really hadn't thought about it too much. Any ideas you could post to me?
Back to you.....I'm guessing it is time for you to leave once you've gotten all of the advice that you need so that it's done properly. I wish you the best in your decisions and dealing w/W. When is she going to realize that she's making herself sick over this? Hang in bud...Like I said, you've got the Lord on your side. Tootles.............
D, conversion, and the Eucharist are a HUGE, ENORMOUS, SIGNIFICANT issues. In general, D alone is not a problem because the Catholic Church will not recognize a civil divorce for religious purposes. The sacramental problem arises in two situaitons; First is a new sexual R outside the original marriage--which would be adultery requiring ongoing sacremental confession (assuming each time you were sincere about not engaging in adultery again--hmmmm). In addition, if you remarry without an annulment, I believe this precludes the availability of sacramental confession at all--thereby precluding communion by any honest measure.
So, if I want to D and be celibate, I'm okay. Otherwise I need an annulment. By virtue of my W's recent comments, an annulment might be plausible because she arguably never understood the permanence of M and espouses the view that God just wants her to be happy and sometimes things don't work out. I tried to explore this in my Church and virtually every clergy person I spoke to said to get this crap out of mind and continue praying for the M until such time that a D is a reality--so that is what I am doing, especially isnce my journey in the Faith is in its infancy.
To me, this represents a true test of the sincerity of my conversion. And it is not inconceivable that I would never have another R again (sorry Betsey--I'll leave you to TJ and any others I come up with ) unless your parish will grant the annulment. It's also possible that I could find myself in a state of long-term separation.
Quote: I also met TKKC1 for lunch -- who is tall and handsome for you ladies out there!!! kinda like a young Jeff Daniels
Hi Merrick...what a nice thing to say!! Thank you for the compliment...you are a handsome devil yourself...and very interesting to talk to. I must say, the passion with which you pursue your mission is remarkable...you are a terrific DB role model!..I do admire you along with many others on this BB. I have some comments about what your W said but I am really tired this evening so I will catch up to you tomorrow. I try and grab the 5:31 so perhaps I will see you.
One thought occurred to me as I read your last update. If you are refusing to engage W while the kids are around, maybe she would feel more "heard" if you approach her at the first appropriate opportunity and say something like, "You wanted to talk [yesterday], and I put you off because the kids were around. Now they're not, and I'd like to hear what you have to say." This instead of waiting for her to come back and assault you again.
Greetings y'all. This will be my last post for a few days. S10 has a game tonight and I have an early early morning flight to Denver for my annual baseball trip with my best man. I also get to go to Mass at Denver's main cathedral on Sunday morning with my favorite cartoon super-hero canine--Betsey.
Baseball, whitewater rafting, mountains, and good company for three days will be a treat.
I saw attorney number three this morning--and I have a good fix on my legal sitch, i.e., it sucks. Even though NY is a "grounds" state--judges will push you to an ending agreement and while contesting could be successful, it will cost tens of thousands of dollars and build a pile of acrimony. But after three consults, I do have options. First is to attempt the split living arrangement where we take turns out the house. The atty I saw this morning doesn't think W will go for it, but if not, she recommends entering talks for a full-blown separation agreement. And withoutr one,there is no way I should leave the house.
However, she also suggested that it's time for W to truly feel the consequences of her decision--and to frame them in terms of the kids' well-being. If the shared sitch is unaccetpable, I should consider telling W that I recognize and accept that she wants to end the M, but the fact is we cannot maintain two households on my salary and give the kids the type of upbringing they've become accostomed to and should enjoy. So, before we enter meaningful discussions on an SA, you need to get a job. Then we'll be in a better position to negotiate an agreement that works for both of us as well as the kids.
I'll chew on this a bit more until after I get back from Denver. In the meantime, I have gone totally dark on W in our house and only talk to her if she talks to me. The steadfast running away from her has temporarily stopped the pursuit. In fact, last night she had dinner with an out-of-town friend (who does not like what W is doing). The last time this friend was here, W came back home with an expletive-laced tirade against me and I was bracing for another attack last night. But instead, W went straight to bed. I pray that she can hold off least 15 more hours until I'm gone.
Had a great trip to Colorado with baseball and squeezed as much into three days as possible. The sights and available activities in this part of the country are nothing short of awesome.
And best of all--I did get to see Underdog for morning mass, breakfast, and an invite to her place for dinner with her kids. Both of her kids are beautiful (I met D7 in DC) and already at this age, you can tell that D10 is going to be a true knockout with a great personality (like her mom) who who will break the heart of a many a boy, both near and afar.
Betsey also tipped me off to some of the more lurid sights people can see in Denver --but I took a pass.
W is still very angry and sandwiched this great trip with pursuing outbursts before I left on Thursday night and again last night when I got home. I think I'm going to begin more formal separation talks with a discussion on money and the need for us to begin segregating accounts. I want to begin these talks ASAP, but will not do so when she is acting like a ten-year old. Oops; I take that back. After seeing Betsey's D10, W is acting more like a five-year old.
Ha ha ha!!!! Merrick, as always, you can bring a smile to my face. And I'm pretty sure that your W is acting younger than your D6... and I'm thinking we should put her at the age of Frightful Four!
I hope you had an uneventful flight back home. I thought of you when I woke up yesterday morning... wondering if contracts were fulfilled and everyone was happy.
I appreciate the plug for my girls. A mom loves hearing these things. And from the pics of your kids, you have got the same challenges on your hands with them, because they are beautiful children.
I, too, thank you for your generosity and time while here. You're one of my very favorite folks here, and anytime you're out in my neck of the woods, the offer stands. Next time, I'll follow through on the buffalo burgers... and make sure my hospitality is more gourmet.
I'll be praying for you, friend.
(((((Merrick)))))
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
--but I took a pass. 
Bets