First, my typical thanks--including PIB who is always around, but I'm not sure if she has ever posted on my thread.

I write this afternoon, as much to help others in similar sitches than to journal. In fact, I've reached a point where I have some hesitancy in posting because the ability to keep this private and away from my W's eyes seems to erode every day.

In any event, I spoke to DB Coach Laurie this morning (if you read Laurie, please correct any misstatements) and we agreed that while leaving is the absolute last resort, the situation is eroding, regardless of fault, to the point of total destructiveness for not just the M, but the kids as well. Consequently, separation seems to be a sensible option.

The structure of a separation is another issue. While we concur that joint separation where both of us split time outside the house while the kids remain appears best, W's desire to push ME out means this joint proposal could further strain the R. As for my moving out and risking that W will find something new to fight on (W's Brezhnev Doctrine--what's mine is mine and what's yours is negotiable), this was soemthing I had to decide on my own. In other words, my leaving may be the only avenue to relieve W's pressure and allow her to open up--but it is also the most dangerous in terms of my potentially losing it all. Consequently, we concurred that I needed to get the most solid legal advice available to determine how any type of separation would effect my rights and my most important concerns could be negotiated.

The most important concern for me is the kids and maintaining the strongest possible R with them regardless of the outcome. Therefore, any agreement must preserve this, even if W wants to fight me. And on this score, Laurie highly advised to try and continue C on co-parenting issues only. And for those of you pushing your own MC--Laurie said this was a bad idea given W's State of Mind and dwesire to get out because she felt it would give W another reason to claim that C doesn't work.

I also shouldn't short-chnage the spiritual journey I've undertaken in this past year and how it has helped me along. I have no idea what denomination Laurie is, but for those who believe in Christ, I've found she is very helpful in illuminating spiritual issues when I want to talk about them. And let me clear, she only raises these issues when I do, so no one should be afraid to schedule a call with her lest they think coaching has religious overtones.

On the lighter side, I had my church retreat reunion party at my house last night. The rain held off long enough to cook and we sat under a large umbrella drinking beers and smoking cigars thereafter--and even watched Father Corapi preach on the priesthood at 11 p.m. A real man's night out where we went from talking about to a discussion of issues on faith. I also met TKKC1 for lunch -- who is tall and handsome for you ladies out there!!! kinda like a young Jeff Daniels: He suggested a great book on talking with my kids and we actually bumped into each other on our train ride home and talked some more. Eddy gave a call and Betsey is always there. Can't wait to meet JinBrooklyn and Heart to Heart. Both TKKC1 and I both acknowledged that we lost our R's with our friends after Ms with dominant personalities--particularly on the female side. So to meet and spend time with some ladies that don't know my W and that I don't work with is something special to making us a more complete souls. I hope I can give back too.

Lastly, W is on her way back from the beach with the kiddies as I write -- I can only hope the next 36 hours deliver some peace. Be good everyone!


Keep on fighting the good fight.

Merrick