Short summary for newcomers. Me 42, W39, 3 kids--S10, D8, D6. Bomb dropped on a yo-yo string Sep '03, Began DBing process Oct. '03. If stopping a runaway train is a success, then I've been successful because I still live at home.
W is now away for two weeks at the beach with three kids. I was with them this past weekend and to myself on Saturday when W was at a funeral. I'll join them this Friday night given that our NY get-together didn't generate enough interest.
Not much will happen between now and the end of August--although W may pow-wow with her attorney.
This past Wednesday, however, we did meet with a C on how to approach the children. While it was hard to cover a lot of ground in an hour, it was the first time ever we could articulate our views with a fair referee to make sure neither of us stepped on each other. C tried to get a sense of and outline our options without giving preference to one or another--including W moving in with her parents. It was not much of a big deal, but when W argued that it would be bad if she moved in with her parents and came over every day, C asked pointedly, "Why," and discussed the joint custody arrangment whereby each of alternated living in the house. C also said we had the choice of staying together for the next ten years just as we are--not that it was her preference or a great idea, but to highlight that it was a choice.
While C emphasized this was not MC, we did have to address our M issues--and I admitted that while I may be a total fool, I still had hope because that is who I am. W said I should not read into her feelings and she would be compelled to pursue a D--but C cautioned that she may end up leaving child issues to a judge.
WARNING TO NEWCOMERS ON MC: W said at this session that it was the first C we had seen that convinced W to get out of the M--to which I laughingly referred to that C as Dr. Kervorkian. C ended the session by saying we were in a very difficult spot--but she could help us as issues arise if we sought assistance. I'm not sure about W, but I will go to see her myself this week.
Not much was said after the meeting as W went out to dinner with friends. On Friday night, before leaving for the beach she remarked on my watching Christian television that "while she thought it was great--it proved she did not know me and that I was watching too much of it." I just said I liked it. Ironically, Father Corapi was on discussing about resisting evil around us in our lives, homes, and work--so while W was ranting at me in one ear, I had the priest telling me to find peace in the other ear--and be aware that even those closest to me will start considering me a religious nut. Just awesome words at exactly the right time, so I held my cool. When I came back a few minutes later, W said she needed to do something about our sitch now and inquired if I could accept her moving out into her parents' place , but when she transformed this into my telling the kids that I wanted to Mommy to move, I backed off again saying all option were open. But that was a major move to even consider the idea.
At the beach on Sunday, W was making a genuine effort to at least avoid being nasty and it was actually one of the best days we've had in months in that tension was not ready to explode at any minute. However, W did explode at the end of the day when she could not open a bottle of wine and complained that she finally had something just for her--and it got f**ked up and then blamed me for saying I didn't trust her. I just walked away and came back friendly a few minutes later.
I pretty much left the beach without saying a real good-bye to her and have not answered my phone at home tonight (I had the kids call me on my cell phone). If things go smoothly, I will not speak to her until Saturday morning at the beach, and we'll go from there.
, but when she transformed this into my telling the kids that I wanted to Mommy to move, I backed off again saying all option were open. But that was a major move to even consider the idea. 
