I've been kicking this one around for awhile...wasn't sure what I thought about it, since it seems like a weird issue to be having.
My H is great. He is better than great. Not only is every problem I ever had with our R changed--and dramatically!--for the better...I swear H has turned into my dream husband. I mean, sure, there's minor friction...but it's so little...after all, we're human...
Here's the problem.
I feel guilty about it.
He's sweet, attentive. If he thinks I'm the least little bit upset, he wants to make it better. He'll come and hug me or hold me or listen to me, whatever it is I need. He even left me alone when I asked him for that, too.
He cooks for me. He cleans while I'm at work. Calls me during the day just to tell me he misses. H wants me to do things with me--he asked me to play Halo with him earlier. (Which I haaaaate, but I did for him.) He asks me to go to the gym with, wants me to sleep on the couch when I go to bed so that I will be close to him.
H apologizes for hurting me. He actually told me--and has said this several times--that he wants to share everything with me, so that I will trust him. He makes a point of telling me about his phone calls and what he's doing. Because, and I can't believe he said this, he broke my trust and realizes that's his fault.
And I feel guilty about it!!
I feel guilty...because I'm still hurting. Not like I was. Not even close to like I was. But I'm still hurt, and H can see that.
I realize that it takes time to feel better. But he's being so incredible, more than I could have even asked for...I hate the fact that I don't feel okay yet. I hate the fact that my being upset hurts him, and I wish I could just get on with my life and put this behind us once and for all.
There's a part of me that honestly doesn't think I deserve this wonderful treatment from H. Why? I don't know. H was like this all of the time before we fell apart. A part of me feels like I didn't appreciate him enough before.
And then I feel bad, because I remember how I used to whine and complain that I needed more affection/attention/understanding from H. I can remember writing on my threads, and saying how I need more reassurance and affection from him. And now that I have it, I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't show him enough how much I appreciate him.
I've been trying though. Finally did something I had been planning to for a long time. I went out and bought him a rose and a card (and a DVD set of his favorite show) and left them in his car as a surprise Saturday while he was at work. I try to make time to leave him cut texts on the cell.
It sounds so inane. I never thought I would have this problem...and I was even more worried about posting it, since it's so much the opposite of everyone else. But I was hoping maybe I could get some insight.
