So...the crazy lady called last night. H and I were walking out the door when his phone rang. We both groaned at the ringtone--xrm!! LOL He picked it up, kind of looked at it. He's ignored her for at least a month now. He asked if I wanted to answer it. I said "Sure!" and he said to just tell her he wasn't home.

I took the phone, and went into the bedroom. H is standing, maybe, two feet away. I (in my best "act as if") said hello very pleasantly. (No, that's not sarcasm!! ) She asked if she could speak with my H. I was still pleasant, said he was not home. She thanked me, I said sure, and hung up with her.

Pretty anticlimactic. LOL The whole brief interaction was ridiculously pleasant. But, after the time she called MIL's house looking for H and I answered there, she never called that number again.

The movie was fun. (We went to see Shark Tale with BIL2.)

H decided he wanted to go out after we got back from the movie. I went to bed.

I had read something on the boards right before I went to bed that had me kind of upset. Not sure why it hit me so hard. As soon as I fell asleep, I started having the worst dream.

I called H and told him I had a bad dream. He asked me if I wanted him to come home. I told him no, I just needed him to talk to me so that I could wake up a little. He asked me what the dream was. I told him, in the dream, that he had said he was going to leave me again, and that he was going to go live with some girl. He asked if it was anyone specific, and I said no, just someone my mind made up.

H asked if it was because psycho called. (His favorite nickname for xrm. ) I said no, her calls stopped bothering me a few weeks ago. That I knew she wouldn't just stop calling--obviously, she can't seem to get the hint!--and that I assumed they would just taper off. It was something I had read that had upset me, and it really wasn't his fault at all, just that weird time when you're semi-awake, and the dream feels real.

We talked for nearly 30 minutes. A nice, good talk. I told him that he was still the best friend I had ever had. That I had told him more about myself than anyone else. He told me that he felt the same about me. I remember telling him that I felt like I hadn't appreciated him enough or listened to his feelings enough. He told me felt the same way. I said it's kind of funny we both felt like that.

H said he just knew we weren't happy, and that he wanted us to be like we used to. I said I knew that. He commented that I had not said anything that day to make him feel bad, and he appreciated it. (Yay for me!) I told him I had never meant to say anything to hurt him, it was inadvertant, and I hadn't realized I was upsetting him until he told me the other day. That I was just saying stuff I thought was normal chit-chat, and hadn't realized he was affected by it.

I told H I've actually been feeling pretty normal. He said he felt like we were back to the way are supposed to be, but that he was still having a hard time. He said it was probably all of the guilt, getting to him. H said he had already beat himself over it, that he had probably punished himself more than I could, which was why he was so sensitive to little things I might say. I told him I loved him.

He actually apologized for xrm--called her by name. This was the first time he had ever directly addressed it. It made me feel much, much better.

H told me he was trying really hard to do everything possible to help me feel better. I told H that I didn't get nearly as uptight or worried now as I did a few months ago. I could tell he thought about it for a second, as if he done the comparison, and said I was right. (:)) I told H I knew he was trying hard, and I appreciate everything he's done to help me feel better. He said it was hard work, but he it was definately worth it. (:D)

I told H I understood how hard it must be for him, what it must feel like. To genuinely make a mistake, and then try really hard to fix it, but nothing ever seems good enough. I told him I had thought of that before, and tried to understand his side of it and how that must feel. Which is why I was trying to keep from overreacting to ever little thing.

At some point after that it just dissolved into sappy mush. (We're both pretty sappy...that's why we get made fun of constantly by his family. It's just...well..bad...LOL)

It was actually a good conversation. Sounds heavier once I wrote it down. But we took turns, each talking and then listening. For once neither one of us was arguing about how the other felt. Actually, what I think we both used to do was "HEY!! Listen to ME and how I feel." LOL Which just made both of us feel unheard and not understood.

I really feel like I have my H back. I can't say that I feel totally fine every minute of the every day, but I feel like the weight is gone. And I feel like he's the same guy I married. For a long time there was this strange disconnect between H-now and H-when-we-were-dating. That seems to be dissolving.

I think time has been the biggest factor. Although I sometimes thought H wasn't giving the effor that I was, I don't think that's true anymore. And, what has helped me a lot, was to just do lots of fun, new things together. To bury the bad memories with new, good ones. I think that's been the most crucial for me.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]