Slowly--glad to see it helps you feel better. I don't write much about my own sitch because...well...it's not that much of a "situation" anymore.
I finally got out of the house, after all this doctor nonsense. Okay, so my friend wound up driving up to see me. But it was still nice--she's a close friend I haven't seen in a couple of months. It was great to just sit and talk with her. (It looks like she might have to go through the same procedure I did. Poor thing.)
I'm...feeling incredibly normal. After all my fits and crying and doubts...I suddenly feel very, very okay. I realize I'm probably still going to have down days, but that's okay, too. I just finally feel as if this is over with.
Some things I noticed that helped me...
I quit accepting H's view that I should wake up and be "okay" now that we are back together. In fact, I decided I didn't need his "permission" to be upset. I was just going to be upset until I felt better. Sounds silly, but somehow my letting him hurry me to get over everything just made me feel worse--kind of like I felt bad because I still felt bad.
I also decided it didn't matter if he kicked and whined about doing something I asked him to, or even what his "real reason" for doing it might be. I was just happy when he would do it. For example--my appointment for the cryotherapy. He whined and complained about how he had to drag himself out of bed, how he was tired, how he was hungry... But, he did go, which is the important thing.
I've also learned when to keep my mouth shut. I guess I always thought I was being helpful...but H took it as criticism. So unless it's going to hurt someone, I just shut my trap.
H did really catch me by surprise the other day. He told me that I "reminded" him everyday of "what he had done," and that was why he got upset every night. Sure could have fooled me!! I thought I was just making conversation, I really didn't have anything else behind it. (And since I have a really bad tendency to be passive agressive, I try to watch it.) And, after all, I would bite my tongue against the really bad comments. I just...tried to be even more careful. Maybe his guilt is making him hypersensitive. Maybe low self-esteem? I don't know. He did tell me he thought I was doing it to make him feel bad--to get revenge. I think I just sat there with my mouth wide open. The only thing I managed to finally say was that if I had wanted revenge or to hurt him, I would have gone about it a whole different way. After that...I guess I just tried to be more careful.
I don't write much about my own sitch because...well...it's not that much of a "situation" anymore. 
But it was still nice--she's a close friend I haven't seen in a couple of months. It was great to just sit and talk with her. (It looks like she might have to go through the same procedure I did. Poor thing.)
