Just goes to show what a difference 24 hours makes.

So, last night, I'm curled up on the couch. H went to open the club. I'm watching Superman (Christopher Reeve), which I haven't seen in years.

And then, it dawned on me! I felt exactly the same way about H that I used to...but hadn't felt in over a year. Wasn't thinking about our mess at all. He wasn't even home, and I felt all safe and secure about us. I had begun to wonder if I would ever feel like he was that person again. Wow. It really took me by surprise...and made me feel so much better. I guess my biggest fear has been that I never thought I could ever feel the same way about him or us again...and even if was short-lived last night, it just goes to show me that it's possible.

H also told me last night that he wished we could spend more time together. I'm wondering how that's even possible, but that's not exactly a bad thing. He then told me that QT must be a bigger component of his LL than he had previously thought.

That did kind of hurt. Not as stinging as some of the other revelations have been...but it did ache to hear him say that. I thought of how he had literally ditched me for xow, before bomb #1. How I had finally gotten mad at him one night, and told him it was ridiculous that he spend more time wit his "best friend" than he did with me... And, how, just before bomb #2 he was ditching me again for all of his newfound "friends." (People, BTW, that he doesn't even talk to now!)

I had always thought that QT was not that big of a deal to him. But, after he said that, it does make sense. Lately, he keeps asking me to go on errands with him or to go with him or stay up with him...

And, right when xow came along, our schedules were so incredibly bad, we really weren't spending much time together. He started working second shift at this bar, and I was working overtime and my job so we could try to catch up on bills. Looking back, that makes me feel so guilty...but we just couldn't hardly afford just our living costs. All I was trying to do was make sure we could eat.

(And, to be fair, H is going way out of his way to make sure he's not ditching me anymore.)

Although, H seems to be kind of tiring of bartending. (!!! ) It was always supposed to be just a temporary thing, anyway...just until I got a job and he could go to school. But then he was sooo into it--all that stupid bartending with that stupid flair. Lately, though, he's been less interested in doing the flair shoes, and has even been getting annoyed with and complaining about a guy he works with who doesn't shut up about bartending. (He actually complained that all this guy talked about was bartending and flair! Which is what H used to do... )

Not that I hate the bartending...just got kind of sick of how he wouldn't ever shut up about it. I'm glad to see he's getting back to the way he used to be around me. I missed that. And that's the guy I really wanted, anyway. It's nice to know that side of him really was still under there, somewhere.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]