Myrrh...no, you didn't come off as preachy. It's all stuff I know, just hit a brick wall for the night, I guess, and needed to hear it again. I feel amazingly better after getting all that off my chest.
Quote: I also think part of step one is fighting against irrational thoughts and fears...something like "It's okay to feel this way, but it doesn't mean that what you're afraid of will happen. This fear will pass, and you WILL be okay." I actually have to say stuff like this to myself mentally, because my brain tends to run away with me.
I do the same thing.
My biggest problem is...H is too sensitive. Okay, that's one of the things I love about him. But he also takes my emotions too personally. (He actually told me the other night that his job is to make me happy.) So whenever I get upset, he automatically feels that he is to blame if it's about our sitch at all.
I'm very careful about what I say. I don't use accusatory language. I don't say "you did this" or anything like that. (Even when I want to!) Often I just go ask for a hug. But the fact that I get upset--and he has explicitly told me that--makes him feel like I'm blaming him. So...I've found I have to be careful about how much I let out around him. Which, I think, is what's leading to my little occasional meltdowns.
He's actually handling it better than he used to. He used to shut me out or become angry (defensive). So this actually is progress. I've told him a couple of times that he's not responsible for my happiness, I am...but he just argues with me.
But H is working sooo hard, and he's been so incredibly wonderful...sometimes I feel guilty for still feeling hurt or depressed. He has a hard enough time forgiving himself, that I hate to add to that.
Time heals. I don't feel nearly as raw as I used to. And I think, when we do get the chance to move, that will be a great relief as well. I am looking forward to starting a new chapter in our lives--moving, getting a house, starting a family... I think all of those things will help.
Quote: You have no idea how many times I've wished we lived closer so we could go out and have coffee or something when things got tough.
Me to. There are so few people who understand this process... I actually have some very good friends I can talk to, but they haven't actually been through it, so they just really empathize with me more than anything.
It's all stuff I know, just hit a brick wall for the night, I guess, and needed to hear it again. 
But he also takes my emotions too personally. (He actually told me the other night that his job is to make me happy.) So whenever I get upset, he automatically feels that he is to blame if it's about our sitch at all.
