H and I talked some more last night. I'm getting the feeling that he's really feeling bad about the idea that it probably came from him. I think he's ashamed at having picked up something, and guilty about the possibility of having passed it on to me.

I told H that, often, there are no symptoms in men. So he had no way of knowing. I also told him that it may not even have anything to do with his number of partners--that one of my best GF's got something from her first partner. I think that made him feel better. (He is actually really ashamed about the number of people he has been with. He kept saying that "it wasn't really that many..." and I would just agree with him.)

He mentioned how bad of an infection he had a few months back, and how he felt bad about asking me if I had cheated on him. (It was a pretty bad infection.) But that he felt like he had a right to now, and that he really did believe me when I told him that I hadn't. (He kept looking at me really funny, at the time, so I'm not so sure he was convinced then.) I told him of course he had the right to ask me, that was his health.

I told H that I knew he would have told me if there was something else I should have known. That I trusted him, since it was about my health. (True. He wouldn't lie or hide things from me in this case.) He agreed...and mentioned something we had talked about before.

He was a little worried that something might have happened while he was really, really drunk one night at his apartment. That he doesn't remember anything, but he had a weird feeling the next day. It was the night that xrm had referred to as the "magical night." She has also claimed they had sex...but that doesn't prove anything, since she says a lot of other things happened that didn't. She had basically offered, and H remembers he went to his room. Then he said he passed out, and the next day he just felt this strange sense of unease. But that he did wake up dressed, so he didn't think anything had happened.

We had talked about this, actually, some time last week. He's a little concerned that maybe she took advantage of him, but he doesn't know. His discomfort could have also been from the fact that she made it known that she would sleep with him.

Personally, I don't think anything happened. Knowing H, if he was that out of it, there was no way he would have woken up still dressed. And, I know he used to call me those nights he was drunk. I'm fairly certain I talked to him that morning, because we had one conversation where I don't think he knew up from down. But the whole thing really makes him uncomfortable.

And also, H made a real point of telling me that he didn't do anything with her after we reconciled. He sounded incredibly proud of himself. And he said he knew I wouldn't take him back if he slept with her (not true...althought it would have been harder...).

I told H if that had happened, I wouldn't blame him. He said he knew that--but I wanted to make sure he heard that. I think this whole thing just has him on edge. He told me he was really digging around in his memory to try to figure out where it might have come from.

We also talked about other places it might have come from--ways that were out of his control. (He was the one who wanted to talk...I would have let it drop.) I think he began to realize there is really no way for us to know where it came from for certain.

I made sure to leave him some nice vmails when he went to work. After our discussion about the 5LL the other day, H said he thinks his primary may actually be WOA. (I still think it's AOS...but, hey, whatever works... )

I was pretty out of it when he came home. I can't wait to get off of work and go see him.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]