moving forward II -- it's a bright, sun-shiny day!

[Nevanna]

Hey Myrrh...don't you just hate it when your post gets eaten?? It always seems to happen when I write the looooongest entries.

I love him, I want him here, but tranisitioning from being alone a lot and in charge of my space and time to being really "married" again is an adjustment.

Yes! I realize a big part of my problem is that, at the moment, I don't have a lot of money. I really get reenergized being around friends and getting out. Without money...well...two of my closest friends are a considerable drive to go see. Ah, well. I get my first "real" paycheck a week from Thursday!! I'm so excited. I realize that I will be much calmer after that.

And H...well...he says he's traumatized from the whole thing. I don't think he's exaggerating, either. I had the sneaking suspicion that, after some time, he was taking the seperation much harder than I was. His neediness indicates to me that he really, really hurt himself. I think he will calm down in time. And I understand that clinginess--I was the same way pre-bomb when I could feel H pulling away, although at the time I didn't realize it was the wrong way to handle things.

I'm starting to get re-settled in, and enjoy the "married" stuff again. There was a strange sense of freedom the last few weeks of our sep...when were ML frequently and I knew H would come home, and probably soon, but I still had my place and could do whatever I wanted. It was sort of this interesting taste of the best of both worlds!

if you don't take care of yourself, you won't have any patience or energy for anyone or anything else.

I agree!! Like I mentioned above, the cooped up/smothered feelings is more because I haven't been able to get out instead of anything he has done. I've been around enough to know my discontent isn't caused by H, just my current finances.

My doctor was kind of rude about it actually, insinuating that I should demand some answers from my then boyfriend, and questioning whether I was really making a good choice being with him.

Wow. My doctor was very helpful, full of information. He made sure that I understood that it didn't necessarily come from H, or that it didn't necessarily mean that H had cheated on me. I'm fairly suspicious that I did get it from him, but again....who knows. The doctor also pointed out that it's possible my immune may learn how to deal with it all on its own.

My question to you re no health insurance - is your income too high for medical assistance?

I was unemployed and then only temporarily employed for the past year and half. At the beginning of the month I was hired by the company I had been contracting, so now I am just waiting to put my time in so that I am eligible for insurance.

If so, could you do a payment plan, or ask for a discount? Some places will discount your care, and some won't.

The doctor already offered to do a payment plan. He knows I haven't had insurance for the past few years, and has been very helpful in the past. Although the rates are fixed for the colopscopy (sp?) and biopsy--out of his control since he works in the framework of local hospital. And I like him very much, so I don't want to go anywhere else. I think I am eligible for temporary coverage, which I am going to look into tomorrow when I go to work. If not...well..I asked him about how much it would cost, and I should be able to afford it since I hired on.

So...check on the insurance tomorrow, then call back to make the appointment for sometime after I get paid.