moving forward II -- it's a bright, sun-shiny day!

[Lyrael]

Very true... And it doesn't help that xrm is nuts, and went around telling people they were together. Strangely, this situation upsets me more than the actual PA.

For me, this would be because other people knew about, and might have gotten the impression that my husband cared about/was dating someone else - that hurts!

Why? I don't know. Maybe because it was short-lived?

I read something about how emotional betrayal is much harder for a woman to deal with, while it's the sexual betrayal that's tough for a man to deal with. The thing with xrm was more of an emotional closeness they had that made you feel betrayed, while the PA sounds more like just a piece of a** - I am not saying the PA is okay, or that you liked it, just that it is sometimes easier to recover from than emotional affairs. I think this is why I have been able to start forgiving my H for his infidelity - they were physical affairs, without so much emotional connection, and the parts that were emotional are the parts that have really hurt me.

I guess I was able to dismiss the first episode as a very human mistake...thought he had learned his lesson. (Okay, that sounds harsher than I mean it.)

Yes, the repeat is REALLY hard to deal with. My H described it not as him running to someone else, but trying to run away from the pain of our relationship and of his life at that time. There is no really good answer to this, just the comfort of knowing the ending is getting happier. You have been really patient with your H, and being patient with his lingering contact with xrm, will most probably strengthen your relationship in the end. She is the adversary, and not you.

And...I'm around basically nothing that reminds me of the PA anymore.

I can't wait to move and get to this point.

On the otherhand, xrm keeps calling. And calling. I got a little frustrated, and told H earlier that he was too nice to her.

I hear you there - xow and her bf pop their heads into our lives all the time - especially since her bf's business is right next to my H's. My anger flares the highest when I am going along peacefully and BOOM, there they are again.

Maybe part of what I'm doing is projecting all of that hurt and anger from the PA onto the current circumstances... When I found out that xrm said she was going to drop in to the club tonight, I got that nasty panicky feeling that made me feel like I needed to be there. I used to be soooo bad about that... Although H hated the woman he had the PA with, she came into the bar every single week on the same day. (Although, towards the end, it was just kind of pathetic and funny.) I had this awful habit of always looking nice and making sure I stopped in on those days. I used to get so worked up just thinking about her being there.

Wow, I know that panicky feeling SO WELL. A lot of different things can trigger it - any reminder of xow, songs on the radio, etc. Sometimes I have to be tough on myself and say "you can't stop this from happening again, so relax and realize nothing you do can affect this or change H's actions." Then I do something relaxing -I do a lot better at getting through these times now. You also know he loves you, and more importantly, you are amazing and so WORTHY of that love! He doesn't need psycho xrm, because he has Nevanna the Fabulous to come home to! She just looks more pathetic and desperate as time goes by, I think. I think it's really hard for you to be at home, and I for one understand the feeling. Hang in there, and I'll check back on you later!
Myrrh