(This post gets into some of my and H's personal views, which may not be the same as other people's. Not trying to start a discussion on the topic, just relating what happened last night.)

I had thought H wouldn't be at my place when I got home yesterday, but he was. He said he had stayed so that I could see him for a little while.

I was feeling really needy and clingy, and basically wrapped my arms around him and gave him a sad puppy dog face when he went to leave. And admitted I was just feeling clingy and needy. Said there was no reason. He said he felt bad leaving when I was like that, but I told him it was okay. That I must have just really missed him. I even stepped out on the deck to watch him go to his car. He did ask me if I wanted to swing by his house later, and I said I might.

After he left, I was okay, and went about unpacking some more. Being busy is a good way to handle myself when I start feeling clingy.

H called me after a couple of hours. Said he was hungry, and asked me to go shopping with him. So he swung by to pick me up. After we go out of the grocery store, H and I were messing around, and he wound up saying something like "If you feel that way, just walk home."

So I started walking. I figured he wouldn't let me get too far, since it was starting to get dark. (Although I didn't live far, and I do love walking.) I made the mistake of looking back a couple of times, which he saw, so he kept letting me walk. When he did get in his car, he drove right past me, waving my house keys at me. Of course, he didn't go too far before turning around to let me in the car.

H asked me if I wanted to play some games with him on the computer. The love seat in the corner turned out to be perfect for this. I told him I loved that he had come up with that idea, and he told me he was only trying to think of ways for us to be closer.

We played Life for a little while, then Monopoly. It was nice and cozy.

We also talked some while we had dinner. H said it frustrated him that he couldn't have female friends anymore, but that it obviously didn't work. That he was mad because people kept trying to interfere with us.

And he's not just talking about xrm or the w**** from before. I had a "friend" who tried to hook me up with her cousin when H and I started fighting. His "friends"--which he recently dropped--wanted him to hang out with them all of the time......called him constantly...and would get irritated when he had other plans. (Which is why he isn't around them anymore.)

H said he just wanted to have some friends, but that he's so sick of people interfering with us. I laughed, told him they didn't know what they were dealing with. He kind of smiled, said no they didn't. I pointed out that people had been able to distract us--both of us--temporarily, but never really pull us apart. He just commented he wished he could have some friends again.

I told him I knew it sucked, because I like hanging out with guys, but that it obviously doesn't work. I pointed out that that was why I like to do things with BIL2--there's nothing ever going to happen there. He said that he was tired of people having a hidden agenda. That all he had wanted was to be friends with xrm, but that she obviously wanted more than that.

We talked about how men/women can't seem to be just friends. I had never, ever believed that to be true--until about nine months ago. H and I always said we thought that was crazy. And now we both see why it's not. I told H that people are wired to procreate, wired to have affairs, and it's a hard thing to prevent. H agreed with me--saying we're all basically animals, and it's that drive to breed that gets us. So basically, no more opposite gender friends for either of us. My own rule for me, and H seems to agree now.

I asked H if he was still planning on going out. He asked--rather jokingly--if he "needed my permission." I said of course not, if he wanted to go somewhere he should, I was just curious. I just asked him to, if he stayed in, clean out the litter box. (Still trying to get that thing clean!!)

H played some more games on the computer, and asked me to stay on the short couch beside him. I asked if he just wanted me close, and he said he did, that he would move me to the bed later.

He never went out, but he did come to bed really late. Said he was sorry for two things. I asked him what. He said the coffee he had had earlier. And then for all the stuff that's happened. I told him it was okay to be sad, just come get a hug. He might have said something else, but I was pretty out of it, and I just rolled over to hold him. Although I do remember mumbling something about wanting a baby. H said we could start now. I said sure...the only thing stopping me is not making enough money. (I'm going to wind up pregnant soon if I'm not careful!! )

Although he didn't clean out the litter box, he did hook up my new speakers for the computer. Which I really appreciate. Not sure why he won't do things I ask him to--not that I don't appreciate what he is doing for me. (I have difficulty breathing around certain strong odors, and usually ask him to help me with things like that.) I have noticed he tends to do the things he likes to do. Maybe ask him to clean while I'm cleaning?? I think he may just be getting distracted, and forgetting.

So he didn't meet xrm yesterday after all. And she didn't call.

But I couldn't find my cell phone this morning, so I'm basically unavailable now. My own stupid fault--I'm sure it's just at home--but I hate feeling so disconnected. I'm going to wait until later to call him, and see if it's there, since I know he went to bed so late.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]