H called me, at the end of my lunch. Said he missed me. Also told me, in his words, that he called psycho-b!tch. Pointed out that he was telling me because he knew that reassured me, and I thanked him very much for that.

He pretty much recited the conversation to me. Said he called her because he had ignored her for awhile, and wanted to prevent her completely snapping. (eg, prevent her from stalking him/me/us) That he had told her he wanted to meet her face-to-face so they could resolve some issues.

She said that she missed "seeing him." H had reacted the same way I had to that--did she mean, uh, dating, or mean as friends? He did some more probing, and pretty much decided she meant she missed seeing him romantically. (Again, never happened, this is in her head.)

Told me he wanted to meet her somewhere public, so he could tell her back off. That he was going to tell her she was acting inappropriately, and that if she continued, he would take action against her. (Meaning, legally.) That they could be friends, but not if she continued behaving in the same way. (This is to pacify her--he doesn't want to completely cut her off, since that makes crazy people like her go over the edge.) That he was going to tell her she was disrespecting his wife, and he didn't appreciate that, and someone does that, they get on his bad side. (Hallelujah, he's finally realized that she's disrespecting me!!! ) And, that he is married, that is all there is to it, and there was no contest between me and her.

He did ask me, if necessary, if I had been keeping a list of all the things she's done. I told him that they were all written on my BB (he knows about this place, don't think he's looked, but I don't care), and there were dates, if necessary.

I am a little bugged by his need to let her down gently. Although I do think he has a valid argument. How often do you hear about when the obsessive individual is cut off, they just go ballistic and someone gets hurt/killed? I have to admit, H is very good (almost scary) at getting what he wants out of people--and he's putting that focus on her, to get her to back off, and think that it's her idea.

Sometimes it seems like he is justifying his own need to talk to/let her down slower. Although, I have to give him credit, his tone of voice was harsh with her on the phone. (Details he's providing me with.) I don't think it was a full-blown EA, and then, I know I've had friends I've really been hurt by, so I'm just going to let him handle it how he wants. No pushing. (Even though I'm tempted, sometimes.)

Besides, her own obsessive behavior/believing her fantasies is going to do her in, anyway. H gripes more and more about her. The things she took (without asking), the stuff of his she messed up (he's soooo picky about that), how she drank all his alcohol, how she was/is into cocaine (he insisted she never bring it to his house)... All I need is patience, he did quit spending physical time with her once I moved and she didn't know where I was living, as promised.

Something else he mentioned... He wonders if she didn't go around telling people that he was her bf. He's had numerous people at the club refert to xrm as "his girlfriend." And, H is the kind of guy that, had it been true, he would not have cared, and would have just said they were. If it were true. He told me actually told the security guys at the door on Saturday not to let her in, that she's been harassing him.

After we hung up, a few minutes later, I really missed him. I sent him a quick message: "I was thinking of you and it made me smile. Love, always." He sent me back another one, said "I LOVE YOU TO" (Yes, misspellings, typos included...I find it kind of endearing... )

He called me a little later, wanted help filling out an application for a part-time job. English is not H's first language, so he often asks for some assistance. We talked for a few minutes, then I realized that it was not going to be a short conversation, so I told him that I was at work, and I needed to go, that I would help him when I got him. He understood.

I'm trying to find that balance between making time for him at work, and setting boundaries on what is too much time on the phone with him. I think I did okay. I don't want to talk to him constantly, but a few brief calls are okay.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]