I certainly understand exactly why you are depressed. Though I cannot recall feeling similar myself, I did feel unexpressionable RAGE when my H did to me what your H is doing to you. And rather than acting upon the rage, I'd internalize it, which caused all kinds of lovely physical ailments.
By insisting that you have an O, in essence he is saying that your body belongs to him, and his wishes regarding your body are more important than your own. I'm not sure the type of abuse you suffered as a child, but if it was sexual, it's in essence the same thing. You had no choice in the matter, and your body and your wishes were completely dismissed. I'd venture to say that your depression is coming directly from feelings of powerlessness and feelings of guilt/sadness associated with not having control over your own body/orgasms.
The fact that you most recently did NOT experience depression after ML could be related to the fact that you willingly participated, gave your permission as it were. But if you are 'guilt-tripped' into sex and feel you need to respond in a certain way to your H because that's what he wants, it may be a different story. Maybe you should keep a diary of your encounters and see if a pattern emerges.
The fact that your H feels that this is something that isn't his problem is what I faced with my own H. The fact that I allowed him to make me feel like it was all my problem came from a lack of self-esteem, a lack of understanding and validating my own wants and needs, and my inability to draw and maintain boundaries with him.
This is a complex issue, and you are dealing with far more than infrequent sex. There are reasons you don't want to have sex, and if your H does not want to participate in the solution, that doesn't mean you have to stand passively by and not find your own.
My heart goes out to you, girl, but there IS a way through all of this.
