Of the 5 hours of counseling I had before firing my C, there were 2 things that helped. 1. Read PM. 2. Don't take responsibility for, or read into the actions, behaviors, or moods of my W. I'm sure you guys have heard me talk enough about #1. But #2 has helped me tremendously and I want to point out how we all should try to avoid this trap that was created by pop-culture and the media.
Quote:
...he should at least afford you the respect of considering and possibly trying it
Sorry to use this quote to make a point about something but here goes....
In a gentle way, you just said "he doesn't respect you because he didn't do x". This is the type of self-defacing dialog a lot of us have. You guys have heard me say "she must not desire me because she is so unenthusiastic about ML"...why should I beat myself up like that...maybe she's just tired but "stretching" herself to meet my needs. Am I making sense yet?
His lack of desire to see the counselor probably has nothing to do with his "respect" for cn...maybe he just doesn't think his involvement will help. When we got married, the priest mandated that we commit to getting counseling if either one of us asks for it. In cn's case, he probably doesn't need to go. 90% of the people I've talked to, who want to go into counseling, are motivated by the idea that the counselor is the "big stick" to pummel their partner into x,y,z. A spouse may recognize this or just worry that this is the case even when it is not. cn, don't read into his refusal to go as a reflection on you.
I think cn needs to go a few sessions without him, and then tell him that she would like to have him attend to give his "perspective on her problems" so that the therapist will have a 2nd viewpoint of the patient. This was my tactic too and the C sessions turned into couples-counseling (but lame nonetheless).
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
