Quote:

I've really tried to sell joint counseling to my DH saying that it could improve our sex life, but again, he believes it's not his problem.



CN,

Does he not understand that your marriage is a partnership? If it is important enough for you to ask him to go to C with you he should at least afford you the respect of considering and possibly trying it. This may be "your" problem...but what he doesn't seem to be understanding is that the things you experienced in the past are now affecting your marriage with him today. This is somewhat similar to what I'm dealing with in my marriage with my H...he's been severely emotionally abused. He was at first very reluctant to go to counseling because I think he felt I was trying to find fault with him and pick him apart (that's what he's been used to in the past). I explained to him that some of the problems may lie in him....but I obviously must have some behaviors that are not helping the situtation. He was viewing his lack of interest in sex as his problem only until I explained that it was really "our" problem to work through together. We needed to find out why he never (and I do mean never) asked for or initiated sex and then often turned it down...and we also needed to find out how some of my behaviors were perpetuating the problem. What I thought was encouragement was really percieved as pressure etc.

Anyway...your H in my humble opinion needs a kick in the pants. If he feels this is strickly your problem why should he resist seeing a counselor with you...what's he afraid of?

BTW...I've got to add this...I know you haven't disclosed everything about your marriage here...and you aren't likely to I'm sure But the comments your H made when you disclosed your past to him and the fact that he won't attend C with you...don't bode well in my book. Those would be huge red flags for me...but that's just my opinion.

Take care,
Anita

Well behaved women rarely ever make history!