Paul: I think CN's post-coital depression stems from prior sexual abuse when she was a child, not the anticipation/letdown cycle of which you speak. Nevertheless, I can identify with your feelings here, dude. I anticipate it for months, and it rarely seems to turn out as good as I would hope it to.
Just wanted to let you know that I can identify with your sitch.
honey, To answer your ?'s, I haven't made much progress with counseling by myself. I've really tried to sell joint counseling to my DH saying that it could improve our sex life, but again, he believes it's not his problem.
That said, I want to report that my DH is a happy camper right now as we ML yesterday am and today am. I am happy to say that I am not feeling depressed, I am not feeling the buzz that some of you described, but I am not depressed! Maybe I just needed someone to be interested and supportive to my plight. I'm hoping this is not a fluke. I am going to try out my is-this-a-fluke-or-not theory over the next week
I am not in denial that I most likely have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but am enjoying the moment.
((((())))s to all for your input and support.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Thanks FurryK9 . Maybe ML can turn a jerk into a pussycat, hm?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Quote: Maybe ML can turn a jerk into a pussycat, hm?
I have told my W this, in essence, many a time. E.g., "I know I've been short-tempered and disagreeable with you lately. I miss the connection that I feel with you when ML and afterwards. When I don't feel that connection, I start feeling like I don't matter to you and consequently, why should I have to agree with you?" She doesn't get it.
I hope your H does end his jerky ways. Telling him how his jerkiness makes you feel toward him (repeatedly), might finally sink in.
Quote: I've really tried to sell joint counseling to my DH saying that it could improve our sex life, but again, he believes it's not his problem.
CN,
Does he not understand that your marriage is a partnership? If it is important enough for you to ask him to go to C with you he should at least afford you the respect of considering and possibly trying it. This may be "your" problem...but what he doesn't seem to be understanding is that the things you experienced in the past are now affecting your marriage with him today. This is somewhat similar to what I'm dealing with in my marriage with my H...he's been severely emotionally abused. He was at first very reluctant to go to counseling because I think he felt I was trying to find fault with him and pick him apart (that's what he's been used to in the past). I explained to him that some of the problems may lie in him....but I obviously must have some behaviors that are not helping the situtation. He was viewing his lack of interest in sex as his problem only until I explained that it was really "our" problem to work through together. We needed to find out why he never (and I do mean never) asked for or initiated sex and then often turned it down...and we also needed to find out how some of my behaviors were perpetuating the problem. What I thought was encouragement was really percieved as pressure etc.
Anyway...your H in my humble opinion needs a kick in the pants. If he feels this is strickly your problem why should he resist seeing a counselor with you...what's he afraid of?
BTW...I've got to add this...I know you haven't disclosed everything about your marriage here...and you aren't likely to I'm sure But the comments your H made when you disclosed your past to him and the fact that he won't attend C with you...don't bode well in my book. Those would be huge red flags for me...but that's just my opinion.
