Never knew I was LD until I got married

[sat567]

Hi cinema. This is really a strange phenomenon. I can speak for most of the HD guys here that, after sex, we have an emotional high that carries us for days. I've never heard of the opposite situation, like yours. Have you tried doing some research on the internet about this? Maybe on WebMD you might be able to go to Dr. Louann Cole Weston's message boards, which are here.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hairdog

[annette]

Have you been in therapy with the same C the whole time? Sounds to me like you need a solutions focused C who will work with you on solving your problem, not just talk about it. Someone, please jump in here and advise on how to find such a C. I do not have the expertice on that. I hope you find solutions to your problems. Hang in there.

Annette

[NotATLDave]

The level of climax is directly correlated to the level of depression experienced afterwards. The better the sex, the deeper the depression.

That's really interesting. Have you ever MB'ed to climax without him and had this same effect? If it is truly triggered by the actual climax, then there might be some chemical thing going on where you are feeling withdrawals from the endorphins etc. If so, getting more exercise and maybe by taking more b12 and folic acid might help. But it might be a good idea to examine at the days leading up to the LM session and see if that plays a role in climax and more importantly, the aftermath.

He is not satified unless I have achieved climax. I have told him that I am willing to accomodate him without achieving climax, but for him it's all about my climax. If I don't, he feels cheated.

While we shouldn't be analyzing your H, I have to ask "why would *he* feel cheated?" Granted, having your partner climax does add to the overall eroticism of the event but a lot of times, this attitude is indicative of someone who seeks validation through the eyes of others and will perform tirelessly to get the positive strokes from bosses, coworkers, parents, spouses, etc. I haven't heard enough about your sitch yet to make snap (more like hack ) analysis but the more you interact on this forum, the better folks will be at helping you see things that might have been invisible.

[Aquarian]

Hello Cinema and welcome! I empathize with your sitch as I too would seemingly suffer from depression after ML, but not after mb. I also understand your frustration with therapy. I'll be following your thread to hopefully learn something. I wish you well.

[barneyfife]

Welcome Nymph . Sorry you're here .

It's no mystery to me that you have a LD. The kind of depression you describe would keep anyone from wanting sex. In fact, it sounds similar to what HDs experience when they don't have sex regularly.

I thought about some of the situations written about in Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch. One in particular told about a woman who had a "block" about certain sexual activities, and when she was challenged to see why she was blocked, overcame it. You might want to read it along with TSSM. I was turned on to it by this BB and it helped me.

Mike - wishing you good luck in becoming a RLNymph

[honeypot]

Nymph,
Do you believe the depression is hormonal in nature, or is it tied to the dynamics of your marriage?

When you do ML do you see it as a "win" for your husband and therefore feel diminished as a person?

Or do you feel fine afterwards and for some reason your hormones go whacky for a few days?

Is it possible that you are depressed all the time and it gets pronounced after times of hormonal activity?

Finally, have you talked to your doctor about the changes that occur after ML and how you feel?

Sorry for so many questions; just trying to get to the heart of the matter.

Hugs,
Honey

[JeffinVA]

I'm an HDH who has struggled with climax-related issues with my LDW - namely, she's NEVER had one. Ever. She, and several counselors we've talked to about it, have all said that my putting pressure on her made it even more difficult for her to achieve. Of course, her definition of "pressure" was basically just me bringing up the issue every year or two and saying it would make sex much more exciting for me if she had them, but whatever, the point is she felt it.

In any case, it sounds like he is putting quite a bit of pressure on you in that area. While I won't even speculate on what's triggering your depression after you climax, it certainly doesn't sound like what he's doing is helping your sex life. It's definitely something I've struggled with a great deal. I've learned to let go, well, to the extent that I haven't even brought it up with her in years, I have. In my own mind I still struggle with it quite a bit. I can't say it's made a positive difference, but I'm sure if I hadn't things would be worse.

[cinemanymph]

I do know the reason for the depression. I was abused as a child. I can get around it to ML, but crash afterwards.

[cinemanymph]

I apologize for the abrupt post. My DS required my attention. Thank you all for your take on my quandry. I have read Sex Starved and am trying to implement suggestions therein.

Try as I might, I have not been able to get past this. I know there should be some amazing feeling afterward, but it just isn't there for me. I feel that I am making a sincere sacrifice by leaving myself open to the depression to accomodate my DHs needs and desires.

Your advice, input, and/or critique is appreciated.

[honeypot]

Oh Nymph,
That puts a whole different spin on things. No wonder you feel depressed and have a whirlwind of emotions when thinking about sex.

I imagine that any person in the world would react like that, having been abused as a child.

One of the posters who used to post regularly here (Corri) was also abused as a child and it took many years of intensive therapy for her to get to the point where she is today. From what I understand it is a long and arduous process. You can look up some of her old posts.

Speaking of therapy, have you ever been and to what degree was it helpful?

Big hugs to you.
Honey