Hi Pamila, I'm just getting a chance to check in here.....
You asked:
Quote: In regards to your H and his OW, how did they meet? Did they always work together? I remember something about her moving, was it to be close to H, to work with H? Did she divorce her H to be with yours? Does she have an apt or a house with a mortgage?
I only bring this up becuz I wonder if the reason that your H isn't OW free is becuz he somehow feels responsible or beholden for getting her to where she is now and then "abandoning" her.
Your H may not be financially responsible for OW, but that emotional responsibility may be why he still calls her.
I don't mind discussing this....
OW moved here from Arkansas a year ago this past November, she graduated from high school in this town, has a mother and at least one, i think 2 sisters here, although she grew up in Guam, according to H, in a military family....her father is deceased....she divorced while she was in Arkansas....her H had an affair and married his OW, according to my H. She came to work here where we've both worked for the last 16 years when she moved up here....her office was right next door to H's, and evidently he was more unhappy than I ever dreamed; Honest to God I was totally clueless....looking back I guess I should have known, but I guess I thought it was just part of what you go through in a life long marriage. OW was living with a BF when she started working here, then she left BF and bought a house in a small town, I believe so she & H would be less likely to be seen....although 20% of our staff lives in that town. So she is the proud owner of a house with a mortgage and a lawn to mow and property taxes to pay, and all that good stuff. Sometimes I wonder what this woman has for brains if she would do all this based on messing around with some guy who's been married 24 years and in the throes of MLC and is still married and living with his family and probably whines alot to her about his hard life, but........?????? Good Heavens! H helped her move last August....I became supicious about the time the EA turned into a PA from what H has said, and I REALLY smelled a rat about the time he helped her move, although it was mid-october before I had proof. I know everybody is sick of hearing about H's wedding ring, but he took it off a year ago about now, just a while before he helped OW move, so I believe that's why his wearing it or not has such huge significance to me.....for a while I would ask him about it and he would make snide and snotty comments, then when I found out about the A, I said something and he said "I don't think I SHOULD be wearing it now, do you?" very angrily....so this kind of sets the background for me to view it as a very important symbol/thermometer of progress in our M
I believe you are abosolutely right about OW manipulating to make H feel guilty about her sacrifices of moving and buying the house. In fact H has said exactly that...and that she is really good at heaping on the guilt. He has said he NEVER said a word or encouraged her to do it in anyway....but still he feels hugely guilty because of it.He has even mentioned her talking about her expectation that he would be living there and paying part of the bills this summer.
H's guilt concerns me greatly....I don't know how to handle it....or help him hadle it more accurately....I believe he does love me and his guilt over "leading her astray" is a big part of what keeps him connected to her, although I know he "loves" her..... If anybody has any thoughts on how to effectively deal with this, I would sure be interested in them! I'll have to post about last night in a little while....and some ideas I'm having (some times I scare myself with my ideas)
