Hi Nitaf, Dawn and Pam....thanks all for your input....I'm so busy at work today, don't have much time to think about anything else, which is good....I havent sent ANY email to H today, have had no contact w/him....he usually emails me 1st and hasnt, so I'm thinking maybe I'll just "go dark" for today here at work....I would be in trouble if I sent him the email I was thinking of and it somehow got intercepted....I could put it in his lunch on a card or even mail it to him one of these days....so, I guess maybe that's the "independent" streak coming out a little....This is another way in which H is so weird, and it's hard to find a balance....He feels resentful if he has too much responsibility, and yet I believe he feels like he's "just another piece of furniture and a paycheck" (his exact words)if he's NOT needed???????WTF????? I believe OW's "need/want" for him is/was part of her attraction, but I know he also see's her independence (? I read it as manipulation, but that's another story) as appealing.....who knows.....but anyway, today I think maybe I'll just sit this one out and see what he's like when he gets home at 8:30 tonight.....keep myself busy and occupied.....
Pam, I know I am very lucky (95% of the time, anyway!) that he's still home....I thank God everyday for that blessing....this sounds really screwy considering our current sitch, but the guy still is my best friend and my lover....and we still have what in my book are good times and talks and loving....and fun...I have trouble comprehending what it would be like not to have him there, which may be bad because it could be that it lets this mess go on longer, I don't know.....but then maybe the "good stuff" helps give us a foundation to rebuild on.....
So, hmmmm, now I'm almost talked into emailing him....
Oh, I don't think I ever posted, S heard him call OW last Thursday while i was working late (bleh), said the call was about 10 minutes and his Dad sounded aggravated and irritated, just heard mumbling and the tone of voice, no conversation.....S has told me that just before I found out about A, H used to spend all evening on the phone w/OW while I was at work and was "real cheerful and happy".....maybe ever so very s-l-o-w-l-y this is dying off?
