You are right again, TC....I do know exactly what's going on, so I don't have blinders on....and I'm choosing to handle it as I am right now....I've even told H those exact words in my more frustrated momements..... the relaxing part is right, I'm sure....I find it so hard, though, I think I probably come from a long line of folks who are worriers (undiagnosed anxiety disorder!) and it is real work for me to "let go and let god", and being the "fixer" that I am, "getting out of the way" is just as hard. But I think you're right, I've been mulling this over along with the post from Honeypot earlier, and I think in part that is what H responds to, that when I'm more focused on what's good/fun, whether it's sex or just relaxing together or writing little cards and notes, I'm more relaxed because I'm focused on something more positive, and I'm having more fun.....so that has to be obvious....I think in turn H relaxes some and responds better....I think he has a huge amount of guilt to work through, and his being "uptight" feeds that, and vice versa. I hate to say it, but I'd bet he feels as much guilt to OW as to me. Maybe not, I don't know, I just know he's struggling with a lot.
So, yeah, I need to really work on incorporating a new mantra into my mind: "let go, let god, relax, I don't have to do it NOW"
