Hi Honeypot....you have given me some really good food for thought here, and maybe hit on something.....I was just reading on Lyreals new thread about LL's, and thinking that I'm sure that one of my H's top ones, if not the top, is Words of afirmation/affection.....I believe he has a deep seated need for this, and never got much acceptance/unconditional love from his parents as a child, thus this deep seated need that leaves him so vulnerable....I havent done as much when I sensed he was back in contact w/OW, because I didn't want to be pursuing.....but I think he needs some pursuing....I think he will always need some pursueing, even though he usually rejects my words of affirmation/admiration...so what would red hot momma do? she'd probably be giving him lots of little cards and things....coming on to him, even if he rejects it.....lots of hugs, jokes, smiles, not taking things too seriously....just kind of "going with the flow" and taking advantage of every opportunity to let him know how great he is....even if he rejects it..... hmmmmmm......I don't know, backing off maybe isnt working.
what red hot momma would do was "take a shot" at whatever, and then back off at the moment if he said "no".....but then come back quickly.....and he actually said one time in the last couple of months that "I know you love me no matter what"....this was during one of their "out" spells....so maybe that's what I need to try again....
It is kind of a vicious cycle, he pulls back some from me, towards her I think, I pull back from him, he seems to pull back further, and so on and so on.....
One of the few things I do know for certain in this whole mess is that he felt distant and shut off/out in the past....hmmmmm.....so maybe mamma does need to start turning the heat up again.
