Hey Deb, You know, something that you wrote struck me and I wonder if it is having an impact. H seemed to really be coming around when you were giving him notes and emails and stuff. You say you have dropped off a little bit..does that have anything to do with the conversation you had with him in which he said it was over with OW?
Meaning, you had that conversation and you started to relax a little bit and H assumed that meant that you only did those things to "lure" him back home?
I was thinking that a lot of times when it seems that one person has completely changed, it is usually a combination of one person pulls back a little, the other reciprocates, the first person then pulls WAY back and the other reciprocates. Etc. A very bad cycle to get in.
I think the thing that was drawing him so irresistably to you was the fact that the feelings he had with you were SO MUCH better than the feelings he had with OW. You were happy, bubbly, planning dates, seducing him, loving him unconditionally, and being a safe place to fall.
Personally, I think that you saying that you are feeling insecure is totally legitimate and that is the very least he should expect but, hey, I'm not your husband. (although not for lack of trying.) When you ask that, he feels guilty and shamed (one thing you have told us about your H is how important his sense of pride in himself is) and BAM, all of a sudden the feelings he gets with OW 'feel' better to him. Even though she is a shrieking nutcase--by his description. She is shrieking on BEHALF of him; is on his side.
So what I am asking you is whether you think that there are things that you are doing differently that you could start doing again. They were clearly working like magic! Focusing on him (and especially him with her) will get ya nowhere. I think that one of the things that felt so good about being the Red Hot Mamma was that it empowered you and gave you a sense of control over the situation. If you lose touch with the Mamma, you may start to feel defeated.
Plus, it would be easy to think that (after his revelation) that the hard part was over and you could relax and get back to life with H. Maybe this is when the Mamma really needs to kick it in gear??
I don't know, I am just throwing out some suggestions here that focus on YOU and what you can do, cause I can hear your helplessness all the thru the bb and I hate it!
So ask yourself tonight, when H gets home, What Would the RH Mamma do?
