Thought I'd post a little about "current events".....
H is grumpy and withdrawn still, was that way when he got home from work last night, although it's after a 12 hour day....we did sit and talk at the table for an hour, which I feel is good. Something we didn't do at all a year ago.
This morning H is still grumpy and withdrawn. he was here in office building w/OW yesterday, and got up to call her today, I know, so I'm guessing it has something to do w/OW....H told me several weeks ago that he was angry at the choices he has to make now, so maybe that's it.
I gave him a hug when his alarm went off at 5:30, and went back to sleep for 1/2 hour, ignoring his shuffling off for his early morning call.... I didn't sleep last night, so am really out of it today, I know it was after 2:30 when I went to sleep....I was really aggravated thinking about all this stuff, and had a notion to wake H up and ask WTF is going on, but didnt!!!!!
Tommorrow H says he's going to the out-of town workshop on marital/couples therapy w/male coworker that he mentioned at end of May....These used to be tryst times for H and OW, so theyve been a source of real anxiety for me, H had told me he was going to it last week (What?) and I ignored it and then it's this week........so, I'm still trying to ignore it........frankly, the way I feel right now I'm not sure I give a damn what he does.
cool and distant....this morning I asked him if he wanted a hug and the jerk actually said "I don't care"....so I gave him a hug and a cheek peck and left him alone....I ususally make a point to tell him good bye, have a nice day, etc., after his "I don't care" I just left the house. I used to hear from him by email around 9 AM that he got to the out of town office, havent heard a word this morning.
I don't have a clue what this total change of direction in his demeanor could mean. If anyone has any ideas I'm sure interested in hearing them.
I'm trying to follow his lead though, and backing off when he pulls back rather than pursuing him....I'm convinced that's the way to go. I'm also trying to keep myself centered regardless of where he's at, and not let myself get shook by his string-pulling.
I need to look back through some of my threads though, I'm not sure, but I think that most times before his pulling back has preceeded a falling out/break up w/OW.....In fact I'm pretty sure it has.....
Lucky lucky me! my period started yesterday, for the first time in 2 1/2 months....I was hoping maybe I was done with the darn things, but I guess not. So, I'm sure PMS has some bearing on where I've been lately, although interestingly enough I havent been nearly as emotional as I often have been.
Lst night h had an email regarding the job he sent a resume to....they offered him two dates for an interview, evidently the person who supervises the position is a good friend of his from graduate school, which could be good or tough.....but I'm pretty sure he'd have a shot at it....I think a new job would be a help, we wouldnt have to move for this one, and H told me about a month ago that getting away from OW was a big part of why he was looking for a new position......
