TC I read through most of your last thread this morning and all I can say is WOW.....you are one smart cookie. I think I have the last page to go, so I'm in suspense, HB was encouraging you to "go dim" and let your H know that was it....either or...I'm curious to see how that turns out.
I'm in a weird place today....I have again gottent to the point I was at the first Friday in June on the way home from the funeral of family friend, just weirdly detached....knowing that I am done with his drama, and what ever he does about it, I'm gonna be fine. Don't know how I will be fine, finances are a concern, but somehow.....this was the day before H put his ring back on, so I can't help but wonder if he has some weird intuition about me as I seem to have about him.....could be....lord knows we've been together long enough to learn how to "read" each other, whether he likes to admit it or not. I've decided, much as you posted TC, that I am going to in my mind put a time limit of a year from now, or rather the day H put his ring back on....I will be able to do something by then if he hasnt gotten it together....I'm not sure what yet....i have decided that if H decides to move out of state, I need to have some proof from him that this is over and not going to happen again before I give up my job, uproot S who will be going into middle school, and move 1000 miles from family. Don't know what the proof will be, I have to think on that.
I'm kind of debating after reading your thread, TC, if it's time yet to tell him this is it and go "dim".....or if I need to keep on making sure the steaks are on the grill for a while longer. Obviously there's no harm in sleeping on it and praying about it until I'm sure.
Part of not wanting to do it is plain selfishness--frankly in many ways we are closer than we have been in years and the sex is great, and I just plain don't want to give that up!!!!!!
It's kind of hard, because I'm not sure what I would do if he didn't call it quits if I "go dim"....I am determined and adamant to leave that decision on his shoulders, as to going or staying, but I'm not sure what leverage I have if I am determined not to file for D....I could research annulments and legal separation, maybe I should do that some.... the damn idiot. I really don't think he has any intention of leaving me/home, he just cant get his head out of his behind enough to tell her its done and make it stick. Of course she is the queen of the guilt trip, from what he's said.....when brings another thought to my mind that I'm mulling over. I can't believe the things he told me a month ago were not heart felt and long-thought out and have completely gone out the window....he talked about how she blows up and gets so mad and he doesnt know why, how could you ever trust a person like that, etc......so weird....
Many years ago, when I was in college and just after, I dated a guy for 7 years. We were engaged, I loved him terribly, probably still do in a weird way. We broke up because.....yep, you guessed it, he cheated.....over and over again, and I finally got to the point where I knew deep down that I had had enough and was done....that no matter what happened, it was better than living with that stuff. it's weird, but I'm really close to that point w/H....I don't know how to describe it, its just something that is so deep you know it.....Funny thing is, talk about ESP or intuition or something, xbf started calling and making overtures again the same week I met H....I could have had him back.........
TC, if you're there, tell me more if you would about the "coming around".....
I'm interested in opinions out there, experiences, time to "go dim" or just keep on with what I've been doing, maybe toning down the gestures of affection a little? I'm going to make a point of being gone some when H gets home...thinking of other ways to "get a life"....
H is one grumpy guy yesterday and today, this morning any way. I don't know why, could be he's tired from my folks still, work is a pain, it's hotter than blazes here (he says that's it) or, past experience has shown that he gets weird when something's up w/the b---h. H was making those whimpering sounds in the night again I think on Sunday. I just let him whimper. I don't know if that's good or not, but he knows how to solve it and he knows exactly where I stand on the matter.
I'm rambling here, but trying to sort out where I'm at....I see there's a new phone card here in it's hiding spot by the computer. I don't know, I just feel emotionally numb, sort of "oh well". Is that good or bad? I wonder if this detachment is going to stick?
Maybe I need to give a lot more thought to how to go a little dim.....H got really upset last winter when I didnt respond to his emails, and gets pretty close to being jealous when he even thinks there might be anything relating to another guy.....I don't know......don't know....don't know.... Opinions? keep on doing what I'm doing (seems to work some except he keeps going back) we've made progress over the long haul....or pull back?
OW was being a real demanding fit thrower before vacation, I can't imagine she's improved much....maybe I should just try to sit tight, be a little less demonstrative and more mysterious, and see what happens.
I did go get my hair cut after work, got it kind of flipped up and spiked out a little....just into trying something different these days.
I'd sure love to hear any opinions or thoughts out there!
