Hi Deb, You asked about my thread. I have listed this, but I haven't posted anything there since May of 2003. I have tried to keep up on reading others posts, but I haven't begun a new thread. I have recently been "infiltrating" yours here and there. I'm hoping that is okay and that I haven't come across too strongly? I guess I get really excited when I talk about the "total turnaround" I have seen my H go through! If you "attempt" to read my thread, you will see that I did an awful lot of ranting, raving, questioning...AND etc. My thread was: Friendship Saga Continues
I'm thinking the turning point (for me... not H ) is when I decided that I was going to "play" this out until my D graduated high school. (One year at THAT time!) If things were still going the "same way" at the end of this time, (that would have been this year, June 2004) then I was sure I would have the strength/courage to finally do something about it. H came home one day and asked me to accompany him to pick up a new Harley Davidson motorcycle he had just purchased. (This was, by the way, in May 2003, when I stopped posting here.) H did not consult me before hand about this new purchase/financial obligation BUT! I did not complain or criticize. I was very skeptical, 'cause little ol' TC, well you know... she is usually afraid of trying new things! I did a total 180, approached this new Harley thing as an adventure and had the time of my life last summer. We rode everywhere! I don't think I had played so hard since my college years. H even took me down to Ohio (where last OW was) and we rode with his new friends down there! So H saw and I enjoyed a big change in myself.
I mentioned (I think) the fact that I have gone on a couple of trips without H (his choice). Whereby he then proceeded to say how sorry he was that he didn't go with me and that he was worried about all of the new "people" I might have met. (What a switch!) These trips, my new found independence in finding new friends, discovering/attempting new things, AND my total attitude change towards H and our situation have all helped (I believe) in a total change in H and how he now feels about me. I am (of course trying to minimize here, 'cause I know I get too wordy, but I can expound more later if you are interested.)
Quote: I'm still somewhat cautious about being gone a lot because one of his complaints was that I was never around/interested in him...but I think just a touch does him good. I told him I'd thought we'd be home before him or I'd have left a note....that's kind of a touchy issue because I've told him it helps me feel better when he leaves me a note or lets me know when he's gone, and he has been pretty good about it, so I try to reciprocate for the most part.....
I think you can still DO this one. Just make sure that you leave while your H is gone. (When you might be worrying where he is?) Make sure you look great before you head out that door and leave a note that you went to the bookstore (or anywhere!) for a bit and that you won't be long. And then..don't be long. (But make sure you get home after he does ... even if you have to circle the block a couple of times!) You won't be putting him out (or shouldn't be) 'cause you were sitting at home and HE wasn't there, right? AND you weren't gone too long anyways. Of course you wouldn't want to do this EVERY time your H is gone and you're questioning "where"...but maybe every other time? It WILL definitely get him wondering .. don't you think? When he asks, just it put it bluntly that you went to the bookstore (or wherever!). DON'T go into great detail about why/where you went. Keep it short.
