thought I'd post about the weekend. It was kind of a bust, and I don't think good for dbing efforts, although who know. We went to visit my parents and brother...they live 2 hours away. I love them dearly, but it is very difficult for me to be around them very much, they live lives of complete and utter chaos and have a completely different perspective on life than I do. I am certain my mother's been addicted to the "womens drugs" of the 60's since then, (valium, librum, etc.), since then and the results are pretty much what you would expect, and so painful to have to see. I had thought they were all doing better the last couple of years, but they seemed to have really regressed this past weekend, with the result that H and S and I are totally exhausted from just spending 24 hours visiting them. It was so weird and painful. My parents physical health is not good, and that makes it even harder to see.
H was so patient in putting up with them, although I could sense that it caused him to pull back emotionally some....can't blame him, it's just a natural self-protective response the the chaos and mess...
When we walked through the door of our home yesterday afternoon, I was struck hard by the relief of being home....I think H was also...in fact he commented as such....and last night by how good it felt to sleep in our own bed in our own room.....I had to run to the store to pick up some items, and found myself fretting that H would be calling OW while I was gone....don't know if he did, he'd suggested I go to the store so that always makes me suspicious, but maybe he was just afraid we'd run out of necessities..... I thanked H for his patience with my family and told him how much I appreciated it and how good it felt to be home again w/him....put my arms around him and told him I was missing not having a chance for "naughtiness"....H said he was exhausted and too tired and that if I wanted "naughtiness" I would have to not ask him to go visit there very much....I was joking around and said "what, you mean the plans I've made for every other weekend arent going to work"and he said "no" emphatically, but gave me a hug.
h went to bed about 10, I stayed up about 1/2 hour later to finish cleaning the kitchen. When I went to bed, I undressed in the bathroom so as not to bother him, but my nightgown wasnt hanging where I thought, so walked into get one nude. When I opened the drawer H wanted to know what I was doing, I told him, and he said "I thought you were going to sleep w/out one"....I chuckled and said "it works for me if it does for you" and hopped in bed. This is kind of a 180 after a 180....several months ago I'd been sleeping nude some just to be different (this from a woman who used to wear flannel nightgowns) and h seemed to become somewhat immune to it, so I changed again and went back to wearing "sexy" night things....just trying to be a little bit unpredictable.... I really wasnt expecting anything, but surprise surprise, H seemed to have found his 2nd wind and initiated ml....a "quickie but goodie" in H's terms......I went to sleep with his arms around me, the best place in the world to be, and slept soundly all night. this morning H was pleasant although he seemed kind of distant when I rubbed his back and kissed him when his alarm went off....I always think it's because he's rushing off to call OW, and I'm certain sometimes that's it, but I need to try to keep my focus shifted away from that.
S came to my office this morning and was riding to D's house w/H as he went to the out-of-town office.....H came to get S in my office. As they were leaving, I told S to give me a quick hug, which he did, and I kissed my fingers and pressed them to H's cheek, but he leaned over and kissed my cheek and whispered ILY....I tucked that in my heart as a nice thing for the day.
Heavens I wish I wasnt so tired today. I am astounded at how draining both physically and emotionally a day at my folks can be. I find that so sad.
