Quote: I've been trying to be less serious, and to be more into "fun" little things, looking for "when he least expects it" moments....I don't know if it makes much diffence, but I think it might some.
In my opinion Deb, you are doing just awesome . It's so very hard isn't it? But when people (that would be "us") are serious about changing, that IS what it IS...hard work. Soon all of these changes will be a big part of you and your personality...at least that is what we should be striving for. You seem to be working very hard to get to that "place" and are having many successes. I give you a big "Congratulations" and many pats on the back. (YOU should too!!) You definitely deserve more, but that will come later ... be confident of that! All of this acting "As If" and 180's serves many a purpose.
I remember talking with several different counselor's that my husband had seen because of his depressions, etc.. They all (basically) would say the same thing. If your H would get up in the morning and focus on the good things, begin "acting" like he was happy, things would begin to change for him. Of course, he wasn't able to do that .. at least not at THAT time. But it all makes sense. Being the humans that we are, we have absolutely no control over anyone, BUT ourselves! When we make the choice to "Be Happy", focus on the good (as hard as it IS to do, especially at the beginning) "things" DO change! You can give testament to that! (I can too!)
In my situation I really couldn't tell "where" H was at in his relationship(s) .... yes there was more than one! He is a self-employed contractor and his job takes him all over the place. So I never knew if where he "said" he would be was actually where he was. I had to drop it .. I had to stop obsessing over it. (VERY hard to do!) I totally stopped talking to H about OW/his problems. I began going out (not being there when he returned...from "wherever" he may have been) and began developing ME. Would it be another 180 for you if you started working on not talking about OW at all? Maybe acting like you think she is out of the picture?...but also that you are beginning to "live your life" ... like you have never before? You need to realize just how important of a person you are! If you begin acting on that ... the sky is the limit .. for YOU! This is ALL so very hard and complicated to do, I know! I am there right now. Constantly working on changing/challenging myself. Trying to be the best I can be. Everybody has to travel these roads at their own pace and as I have already said several times, you are doing great! I just thought I would mention the above as a possibility of something more you could "add" as a change.
I will continue keeping up on your posts, as I can identify so very much with what you are going through. Like you (.. or maybe someone else here said?) Keep on keeping on... you WILL get there!
