HP asked: What are you being hard on her about? ___________________________
She has accused me of being hard on her from the beginning of our M. I can be opinionated and stubborn, and if you push me too far I become the unmoveable object.
I came into our M with the idea that sex was going to be "anything and everything". Unfortunately, I didn't inform her of that plan and found out quickly that she came in with a different idea. You can guess the rest, I try to dive in, she says NO, I get mad...blah, blah, blhh.
Admittedly, I wasn't understanding of her feelings and said some pretty hurtful things along the way. Eventually, I became the "immoveable object" and refused to try any longer. In fact, only TSSM and PM helped me understand that it was an itegrity issue. That diffused a lot of anger for me.
But, my W hasn't seen much reason to distinguish my "integrity issues" from my previous "rejection anger". (It's only been a few months.) So, she thinks I'm still angry and uncaring, it seems. I'm neither, but I have deliberately made sure not to get too excited about changes. IMO, some of her claims are reactions to past hurts, but I admit that I may be blind to how I come across to her, too.
I've wondered if she thinks that I'm trying to get back at her by "calling the shots" now. Sometimes it seems that way. But as mentioned above, I'm just settled on where I am and what I will no longer accept. Hopefully, she'll see that in time.
I don't expect her to do all the changing. I'm more than willing to accept responsibility for myself. With a little assurance that the present changes are the beginning of a new way for us, I'll bend over backwards to make sure she feels loved (in her way).
I guess she feels like I did for many years: that she has to jump through hoops to get me to give her what she needs. It sucks having to prove yourself to someone you love, but we all have to sometime. I'll do my share in this, too.
Please take her side and let me know where I'm being a jerk. I want to know. I am opinionated and stubborn, but I'm willing to bend. I just want to know there's something in it for me, too.
Mike - aware of wayyyy too much fusion in this post
