Thanks for your post. I agree with everything you said.
When I posted that there were no "deal breakers" on the list, I meant that there was nothing there that wasn't negotiable. I also mean that I'm patient enough to work through any difficulties my W might have with any of the points. I don't expect her to morph into my list-woman as I snap my fingers. It would just mean the world to me to have a point of agreement and see attempts (no matter how small) in some of these areas.
To clarify: - sexual initiation % - I want this to know that she WANTS me. I'm not going to be counting, I just want it to be something she wants, too. I know me. I'll come after her 10 times to every 1 she initiates if I feel that I'm wanted. (That's the way we started our M, but "NO" stopped me coming after her.) - vocal expressions - I'm not demanding anything. The "graphics" is just what I'd like. She has difficulty in this area, particularly with the F word. That's ok. She could say "DO me!" instead. It would mean the same to me. However, "Please insert your penis in my vaginal opening now" wouldn't quite be the same, IYKWIM. (She would never say that, btw.) - sexual touching/groping - I just want to be able to touch and fondle my W ocassionally w/o being accused or thought of as being insensitive, only about sex, not caring about "her", etc. I'd like to be touched, too, but I'm really looking for her to want me to touch her, I guess. - sex outside of the bedroom - Again, as it's convenient and desired by us both. I haven't compiled a list of places I want to "do it". We have talked about this one before and she's OK with it. (Although she was a little hesistant about the glass elevator in the hotel idea. ) - wake up or middle of the night sex - This one has always been taboo. Sleep seems to rate higher than sex with me. (BTW, have I mentioned that I have a REAL problem with everything that rates higher than me? ) - being "done" - I mean this in the PM way, with a desire to bring pleasure to your S as the primary goal. (Reciprocation is an absolute certainty here. ) ____________________
Jo,
I couldn't agree with you more. I am so proud of her for the other night! She took the initiative and included things that were good for her (romance game)and things for me, too (involving whipped cream and trying a new position [unsuccessfully, but willing to attempt it again]).
She's taking making changes seriously and I'm very pleased about it. I've got a lot of work to do to undo past hurts I've caused her, but she's really making an effort. And her effort means so much to me!
Thanks for caring.
Mike - 23 year voyeur veteran, ready to GET IN the game
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