I’ve done a lot of whining about wanting enthusiasm and involvement from my W in our sex life. (Apologies to all. ) This thread is an attempt to give definition to those terms. I appreciate your input.

Actions that would show enthusiasm and involvement to me would include:
- initiating sex 40-50% of the time
- vocal expressions of sexual desire/enjoyment (from “I’ve been thinking of being with you tonight” to specific likes and desires [the more graphic the better])
- trying new sexual positions
- sexual touches and gropes (at home and elsewhere)
- sex outside of the bedroom (outdoors, other rooms, vehicles, etc.)
- mid-day quickies
- wake up sex or middle of the night sex
- being “done”
- oral or manual activity when intercourse isn’t possible
- flashing me or going without underwear

Is this unreasonable?

Clearly, the list does not address the issue of frequency. There are no "deal breakers" here. I chose basic (to me)activities for two people that love one another and desire to show it in a real way. From my POV, this is Married Sex 101:The Way to Intimacy.

Be assured that I could/would add feeling to the information were I talking to the W about them. In fact, I have talked to her about these things over the years, but usually in anger and/or frustration. (Small kids at home affect some of these, but given the green light, I would hire a babysitter on retainer and “date night” would come every third day.)

BTW, we had sex the other night at her initiation. It was really good because she tried some things outside of her comfort zone. So far, TSSM and PM is producing results.

Thanks for your help!

Mike - preparing the list for Married Sex 201:The Kinky Years